Soon after Hollis Mosher III got his first MSN email account he was so touched by all the wonderful people sending him email from all over the world, that he just couldn't be ungrateful by not taking them up on all their kind offers.

"He really appreciated," said Mrs. Mosher, "that all these people in far away countries like Saudi Arabia, Hungary and Nigeria, would take the time to write him and let him in on all these great deals."

Though Mr. Mosher was away on one of the thousands of free Florida vacations and Bahama cruises he'd won, Mrs. Mosher was gracious enough to take time out from her busy schedule of mortgage refinancings to speak with us.

"That's my 20th refinancing today," she said, stuffing the paperwork in a drawer, when we arrived shortly after noon. "Did you know that mortgage rates have never been lower!! We win and the banks lose!!"

But it hasn't been all wine and roses for the Moshers since they went online.

"At first," Mrs. Mosher told us, "Hollis' enormous breasts seemed a little incongruous next to his huge cock, which, of course, was constantly erect from all the Viagra those nice professional pharmacists in Kenya, Estonia, and Tajikistan kept sending him for half off the normal price, not to mention from all the thousands of 30-minutes free lesbian-animal porn chat rooms he was always being invited into -- but thanks to all the Propecia he got for 30% below retail from a sweet gentleman in Albania, the hair that grew all over his body covered most of it up."

According to Mosher, her husband had answered over 30,000 penis enlargement emails and used all the products religiously, but mostly out of courtesy and so as not to give foreigners any more reasons to hate Americans. "He cared a lot more about international relations and not hurting peoples' feelings than about having an enormous penis," she said proudly.

Despite that, it was her firm belief that the only reason he'd religiously used all the 45,000 breast enlargement products he'd ordered, was a direct result of being high all the time on the HGH and other legal herbal marijuana substitutes he'd been sent at a fraction of the cost of real marijuana, and because he was so busy setting up all the free merchant mastercard accounts for all the online businesses he was starting, to supplement the income from the 35,000 work-at-home jobs he'd gotten, (not to mention hanging all the college degrees he'd been awarded and laminating all the international UN drivers licenses he'd been issued and publicizing all the .tv and .us domain names he'd registered for life at half price), that he just never noticed his breasts growing to be the size of watermelons.

Mrs. Mosher however was still sanguine about it all. "Thanks to the millions of dollars we've saved from all these mortgage refinancings and from having people in Bulgaria and the Congo endlessly restructuring our debt," she said, "when that email with an unbeatable offer for some great new breast reduction product comes through, we'll definitely be ready to afford it."

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