Bruce Willis Eliminator
Eliminatrix
Newark, NJ

Sick of those obnoxious pop stars, celebs, world leaders, and political pundits intruding on your airspace? Drooling all over you at stoplights or in parkinglots? Trying to show you their baby pictures, or tell you about their upcoming tour dates or their new Ennio Moriccone-composed doorchimes?

Well, this exciting new hybrid VR/AI device will literally cancel them out, split seconds before they reach your eyes and ears!

Finally, there's a serious application for visual pattern recognition. These simple strap-on goggles contain over a Gigabyte of RAM and powerful neural net software that can recognize a pre-defined image in all but the most mutilated of conditions.

Small, snap-in modules tell the unit exactly what to look for, and each pair of goggles already comes loaded with the Bruce Willis module -- which may be all you'll ever need!

With this module installed, each time the image of Willis is detected, it's instantly, seamlessly replaced, in real-time, by an animated 3-D cartoon animal -- and its spoken words are, similarly, seamlessly transformed into appropriate animal grunts.

And Willis is just the first of many celebs you'll never have to see again, as long as you live (or, at least, until you have to replace the 4 AAA batteries). In the next few weeks, we'll be releasing snap-in modules that'll get rid of Steven Seagal, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Cher, Newt Gingrich, Tom Snyder, Billy Joel, Pat Buchanan, Alphonse D'Amato, Sonny Bono and many more -- so watch this site for the complete list, and send us your suggestions ( to mikeovitz@disney.com ) for the celebs you'd most like to have removed from your own personal consciousness.