Better Faster Be$t$eller$

for the week of March 13, 1995

( Note: No distinction is made between fiction and non-fiction, or between hardback and paper. Better Faster titles are entirely the result of algorithmically compressing (or compacting together) the less dense, slower titles of the current Publishers Weekly Be$t$eller List. )

1. The Celestine Bedtime Story
   James Patterson James
   HopperCollier, $239.00
   Last Week: 1, Weeks on List: 1,100
2. Men Are From the Garden of Discipline, Women are From the Raging Zone
   Preston Sargent
   You-Con Publishing, $523.00
   Last Week: 1, Weeks on List: 654
3. Breaking the Game
   Jim John LeJames
   General Foods/Mitsubishi Books, $523.00
   Last Week: -- , Weeks on List: 654
4. I Want to Market You
   O.J. Simpson with Walt Disney
   Slime/Warner, unpriced
   Last Week: 1, Weeks on List: 300
5. I Want to Discipline You
   O.J. Simpson with Kathy Acker
   Nabisco/Warner/Malone Books, free, online
   Last Week: 65, Weeks on List: 3
6. Tom Clancy's Stupid Accident
   Patterson James Robertson
   Radon House, $323.00
   Last Week: -- , Weeks on List: 654
7. The Cat Who Blew Warren Buffet to Venus and Mars
   Sharon Saccharine
   Coming Press, $2750
   Last Week: 1, Weeks on List: 780
   
8. Makes Me Wanna Do Ten Stupid Things to 7 Driven People
   James Richard Roberts
   Radioactive House, $22239.00
   Last Week: 1, Weeks on List: 655
9. Raging Chicken Soup
   Rosie Simpson with Martin Scorcese
   Asbestos House, $239.00
   Last Week: 1, Weeks on List: 55
10. Smilla's Sense of Chicken Soup
    James Jackson Brown
    Psilocybin House, $2239.00
    Last Week: 1, Weeks on List: 3
11. Soul of Ice
    OJ Simpson with Wally Cleaver
    Smack House, $239.00
    Last Week: 1, Weeks on List: 8
12. Robber Soul
    OJ Simpson with Lemmon/McCarthy
    Crystal House, $239.00
    Last Week: 77, Weeks on List: 8
13. A Commonsense History of the Discipline of Distraction
    Rosie Roberts Rogers
    Crank House, $239.00
    Last Week: 1, Weeks on List: 9
14. Driven to Die
    Patterson Preston James
    Flesh Press, $2399.00
    Last Week: 1, Weeks on List: 45
15. Smilla's Sense of the Market
    Smilla Snow
    Radar House, $5239.00
    Last Week: 1, Weeks on List: 46
16. The Eyes of McNally's County
    Jimmy Carterson James
    Quadrupleday, $4239.00
    Last Week: 1, Weeks on List: 48
17. Driven to Breakfast
    Jimmy Smilla
    Octupleday, $239.00
    Last Week: 1, Weeks on List: 55
18. The Day After the Soul
    Rosie Buffet
    Nonupleday, $2398.00
    Last Week: 1, Weeks on List: 234
19. Raging Rosie: The Discipline of Death
    Seinfeld with Fyodor Dostoevsky
    AT&T/MCI/Microsoft/IBM Press, $2391.50
    Last Week: 1, Weeks on List: 4445
20. Who Blew the Soul?
    Gary Shandling with Franz Kafka
    Motorola/SGI/PacTel/Asylum/Electra, $9239.00
    Last Week: 1, Weeks on List: 9999
21. Investment in the Soul Market
    James Dostoyevsky
    Times/Time/Spy/electra Books, $8239.00
    Last Week: 1, Weeks on List: 6
22. Soup Kitchen of the Market Leaders
    James Beckett
    Simon and Simon, $1239.00
    Last Week:153, Weeks on List: 9
23. The Expecting Toddler's Investment Guide
    Patterson Kafka
    Garfunkle and Garfunkle, $2397.00
    Last Week: 1, Weeks on List: 111
24. How to Mess Up the Market With Common Sense
    Jorge Luis-James James
    Pfumpf, $239.00
    Last Week: 1, Weeks on List: 1111
25. The Market-Driven Heart
    OJ Simpson and Newt Gingrich et al.
    Pfumpf and Wagnalls, $99239.00
    Last Week: 1, Weeks on List: 11111
26. Shipping the Soul
    OJ Simpson with Bart Simpson
    Kerplunk, $1239.00
    Last Week: 1, Weeks on List: 2
27. Embraced by Ice
    OJ Salinger
    Warner/Lambert, $54239.00
    Last Week: 1, Weeks on List: 222
28. Bedtime in the Kitchen of the Op-Center
    James Richard Rogers
    RadonHopperWarmer, $2319.00
    Last Week: 1, Weeks on List: 605
29. The Day After I Mess Up the Lives of Warren Buffet and Rosie McNally
    OJ Simpson with Trenton Clementino
    DMT House, $2039.00
    Last Week: 1, Weeks on List: 7
30. Contract With the Soul
    Faye Resnick with Jackie Collins
    US West/Intel/Unisys Books, $4239.00 ISBN 0-01-01110-X
    Last Week: 1, Weeks on List: 22
31. A Stupid Distraction From Death
    Rosie Smilla James
    Peer Press, $239.00
    Last Week: 2, Weeks on List: 1

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