Better Faster Be$t$eller$

for the week of March 27, 1995

( Note: Better Faster titles are entirely the result of algorithmically compressing the less dense, slower titles of the current Publishers Weekly Be$t$eller List.)

Hardback: Fiction and Non

1. The Celestine Bedtime Stories
   Patterson James
   TurnerWarner, $239.00
   Last Week: 1, Weeks on List: 111,107
2. The Original Profecy Game
   Seinfeld with Fyodor Dostoevsky
   AT&T/MCI/Microsoft/IBM Press, $2391.50
   Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 4445
3. Life Under Treatment
   Jim John LeJames
   General Foods/Mitsubishi Books, $523.00
   Last Week: -- , Weeks on List: 54
4. Life Under Glass
   Robertson Spencer Patterson
   Motorola/SGI/PacTel/Asylum/Electra, $239.00
   Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 9
5. The Girls Who Blew the Green Team
   OJ Simpson & Bruckheimer
   Double-Simon-Day Warner/Eckhardt, $1.00
   Last Week:--, Weeks on List: 9
6. Men are From the Hot Zone, Women Are From the Surface of Common Sense
   Preston Sargent
   Youconcom Publishing, $523.00
   Last Week: 7, Weeks on List: 655,333
7. Kiss the Glass Bridges Down Under the Silent Lake
   Jimmy Garnerson James
   Radon House, $4239.00
   Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 48
8. Breaking Sense
   John Malone with OJ Simpson
   Crank House, $240.00
   Last Week: 13, Weeks on List: 2
9. Breaking the Market
   John James Michaels
   Warner/Viacom/Sony/GM Books, $241.00
   Last Week: 14, Weeks on List: 2
10. Breaking Civilization
    Sigmund Patterson
    ABC/CBS/NBC/Fox Books, $242.00
    Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 2
11. I Want to Market You
    O.J. Simpson with Walt Disney
    Varner/Wiacom/Beetlesmann, unpriced
    Last Week: 8, Weeks on List: 3001
12. I Want to Discipline You
    O.J. Simpson with Pauline Reage
    Nabisco/Warner/Malone Books, free, online
    Last Week: 9, Weeks on List: 37,594
13. Anthropologist in the Kitchen with the Market Leaders
    James Jackson Brown
    Crystal House, $2239.00
    Last Week: 11, Weeks on List: 4
14. The Commonsense of Investment in Mars
    Rosie Roberts Rogers
    Psilocybin House, $239.00
    Last Week: 12, Weeks on List: 15,556
15. Spiritual on the Surface
    Deepshit Choptliva
    SGI/Compuserv/Betty Crocker Media, $243.00
    Last Week: 16, Weeks on List: 2
16. The Diary of the Death of the Laws of Midnight
    Jameson Robbie Rogerson
    Wheeeeecom, $244.00
    Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 2
17. Civilizationhood
    Patterson Robertson Nicholson
    Quadrupleday, $323.00
    Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 210

Paperback: Mass Market and Trade

1. Tom Clancy's Stupid Accident
   Patterson James Robertson
   Radioactive House, $323.00
   Last Week: 1 , Weeks on List: 655
2. Shipping the Soul
   OJ Simpson with Bart Simpson
   Asbestos House, $1239.00
   Last Week: 2, Weeks on List: 3,279,010
3. Makes Me Wanna Do Ten Stupid Highly-Effective Things to 7 Driven People
   Robbie Jamie Jameson
   Smack House, $22239.00
   Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 656
4. Mistress After Daybreak; Friends Until Tomorrow
   JP Sartre with Faye Resnick
   Peer Press, $239.00
   Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 66
5. Makes Me Wanna Die
   John Malone with Faye Resnick
   Turner/Warner/Diller/Sting/Cher/Fabian, $239.00
   Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 56
6. What to Expect from the Soul
   Sting with Cher
   Kerplunk, $239.00
   Last Week: 8, Weeks on List: 9
7. What to Expect from Murder
   Cher with Dion
   Flesh Press, $2399.00
   Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 45
8. What to Expect from Death
   Fabian with Vanity and OJ Simpson
   Resnick/Malone/Electra, $239.00
   Last Week: 6, Weeks on List: 10
9. What to Expect from Expecting
   Prince with Tiffany
   Pfumpf, $239.00
   Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 55
10. Shipping Chicken Soup to Montana on the Potomac
    Trenton Quarrantino
    Warner/Gurdjieff/Khaddaffi, $239.00
    Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 24
11. Embraced by the Bride of the Accident Chamber
    Robbie Robbie Robinson
    Octupleday, $239.00
    Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 59
12. Ten Stupid People Mess Up the Prophecy
    Patterson Preston James
    Times/Time/Spy/Electra Books, $8239.00
    Last Week: 12, Weeks on List: 7
13. The Day After the Soul
    Bertolucci & Shapiro
    Nonupleday, $2398.00
    Last Week: 13, Weeks on List: 235
14. The Way to Die When What You're Expecting is Chicken Soup
    Gary Shandling with Franz Kafka
    Simon and Simon, $9239.00
    Last Week: 14, Weeks on List: 10000
15. Driven To Care For Effective Murder Habits
    OJ Salinger
    Garfunkle and Garfunkle, $2397.00
    Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 1
16. Embraced Until Daybreak by the Gold Angel of the Op-Center
    DJ Salinger with OJ Pynchon
    Warner/Lambert/Gopac/Opec, $2396.50
    Last Week: 16, Weeks on List: 12

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