Better Faster Be$t$eller$

for the week of April 24, 1995

(Note: Better, Faster titles are constructed entirely and exclusively from only the words contained in the 60 titles of the Publishers Weekly Bestsellers lists for hardback fiction and non-fiction, and mass-market and trade paperbacks. As a by-product of the proprietary semantic compression algorithms used in producing this list, reading it turns out to be the exact cognitive equivalent of actually reading all 60 bestselling books from cover to cover. Thus saving you valuable time!)

Hardback: Fiction and Non

1. Proceduremaker
   John James McJane
   Jack DeBeam Books, $239.00
   Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 1
2. Children of the Fourth Sin: A Dog's Profecy
   Jane Anne James
   AT&T/MCI/Microsoft/IBM Press, $2391.50
   Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 4447
3. Sin of the Fourth Star: A Life of Bedtime Stories
   Jack Redham McDaniels
   General Foods/Mitsubishi Media, $523.00
   Last Week: -- , Weeks on List: 57
4. Years of Silent Rain
   James Jayne DeJohn
   Motorola/SGI/PacTel/Asylum/Electra, $239.00
   Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 11
5. Star Treatment: The Glass Ladder Game
   Jim John LeJames
   Nynex/GE Books , $239.00
   Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 11
6. The Silent Children of the Commodore of the Madison County
   James James James
   General Foods/Mitsubishi Media, $523.00
   Last Week: -- , Weeks on List: 57
7. Men Are from the Retrospect Zone, Women Are from the Hot Surface of Things
   Seinfeld with Fyodor Dostoyevsky
   Radon House, $4239.00
   Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 49
8. How to Sense Death and Win Every Time
   Jerry 'Please Shut the Fuck Up and Get the Fuck Outta My TV' Spents
   Double-Simon-Day Warner/Eckhardt, $1.00
   Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 10
9. Breaking Sense
   John Malone with Samuel Beckett
   Crank House, $240.00
   Last Week: 9, Weeks on List: 5
10. Surfacehood
    Ray Smith with Kathy Acker and Seinfeld
    Quadrupleday, $323.00
    Last Week: 10, Weeks on List: 212
11. Fourth Death, First Life
    Sonny, with Cher
    2.5Day & Schoooster, $1.00
    Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 1
12. Commonsense Evil for Young Ladies
    Cher with Dostoyevsky
    Warner/Viacom/Sony/GM Books, $241.00
    Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 1
13. Breaking the Bedroom
    Sonny Bono with Walt Disney, Rupert Murdoch and Cher
    Wheeeeecom, $244.00
    Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 1
14. Successhood
    Kary Mullis with Walt Disney
    Jack Daniels Books, unpriced
    Last Week: 13, Weeks on List: 31
15. Breaking the Laws of Good and Evil
    Friedrich Patterson
    ABC/CBS/NBC/Fox Books, $242.00
    Last Week: 12, Weeks on List: 4
16. Breaking the Beardstown Ladies
    Johnny Walker James
    Crystal House, $2239.00
    Last Week: 15, Weeks on List: 8
17. The Commonsense of Investment in Mars
    Smirnoff Patterson
    Psilocybin House, $239.00
    Last Week: 16, Weeks on List: 15,558
18. The Surface of Spiritual Things
    Clifford Stolichniya
    SGI/Compuserv/Betty Crocker Media, $243.00
    Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 1

Paperback: Mass Market and Trade

1. Tom Clancy's Murder
   Cher With Sade
   United Airlines Books, $8239.00
   Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 1
2. Tom Clancy's Killer
   Sonny Bono with Al D'Amato and Faye Resnick
   Turner/Warner/Diller/Sting/Cher/Fabian, $239.00
   Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 60
3. Murder the Killer Angel
   Gary Shandling with Franz Kafka
   Simon and Simon, $9239.00
   Last Week: -- , Weeks on List: 10002
4. Circle of Murder
   OJ Salinger
   Schuster and Garfunkle, $2397.00
   Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 4
5. Chamber of Murder
   Faye Resnick with Jack Kerouac
   Flesh Press, $239.00
   Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 68
6. Bride Until Daybreak; Friends After Tomorrow
   JP Sartre with Faye Resnick
   Peer Press, $239.00
   Last Week: 3, Weeks on List: 68
7. Congo On the Potomac
   Trenton Quarantino
   Warner/Gurdjieff/Khaddaffi, $239.00
   Last Week: 8, Weeks on List: 26
8. The News Makes You Stupid
   Robertson Robbie Jameson
   Radioactive House, $323.00
   Last Week: -- , Weeks on List: 1
9. Crossing Ophelia
   Robbie Robbie Robinson
   Octupleday, $239.00
   Last Week: 2, Weeks on List: 2
10. Crossing the Soul
    Robbie Jamie Jameson
    Smack House, $22239.00
    Last Week: 4, Weeks on List: 657
11. Expecting Stupid Things
    Franz Kafka with Paul Reiser and Sonny Bono
    Shoooooster and Shooooster, $9239.00
    Last Week: 5, Weeks on List: 10002
12. Crossing Montana On Chicken Soup
    OJ Quarantino with Bart Simpson
    Asbestos House, $1239.00
    Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 1
13. What to Expect from the Soul
    Sting with Cher
    Kerplunk, $239.00
    Last Week: 11, Weeks on List: 12
14. Driven Up the Soul
    Fabian with Vanity and Detective Fuhrman
    Resnick/Malone/Electra, $239.00
    Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 13
15. What to Expect from Expecting
    Prince with Tiffany
    Pfumpf, $239.00
    Last Week: 14, Weeks on List: 57
16. What to Do to Mess Up Effective People
    Bertolucci & Shapiro
    Nonupleday, $2398.00
    Last Week: 7, Weeks on List: 238
17. What to Care for
    DJ Salinger with OJ Pynchon
    Warner/Lambert/Gopac/Opec, $2396.50
    Last Week: 17, Weeks on List: 15

Last week's list


Previous lists


Current PW list at Books.com


Current PW list at Bookwire

Also Check Out:

The Runaway, Blockbuster, Bestselling, Tour de Force, Towering Achievemnet, On-line, Serial Anti-Novel -- The Autobiography
of Being Pissed Off

OD'd on NCSA? The C/3F What Snooze Page has NEWER NEWs, HOTTER HOTs, and COOLER COOLs. -- An obnoxious satire you ignore at your own risk.