Fight Stupid Consumerism!! Buy my fucking book!! The Washington 
Wednesday, Jan 12, 2000
Media Landscape Still Reeling Over Mega Mega-Merger
REUTERS [or whomever] - (Jan 12) - Media pundits or mavens or whoever are still reeling or buzzing or shaking in their boots or whatever over the many many many exciting exciting exciting new new possibilities and breakthroughs and innovations and outright cataclysmic eruptions wrought by the sudden unexpected exciting mega mega-merger of the 2 most exciting and heavily branded companies in the world, uhhh, what's their name and what's their name Inc.

At a meeting of top media, business, and telecommunications pundits or mavens or fucking assholes or whoever, the many many many exciting exciting exciting new new possibilities of the media mega mega-merger were discussed and outlined. Here is a partial list of some of these many many many exciting exciting exciting new new changes and innovations and synergies and synchronicities which will result from the exciting exciting mega mega-merger of and synergies and synchronicities between those 2 companies, what's their name and what's their name Inc.

    1. Judy Woodruff and Bernard Shaw will now be able to list their email address as the totally kewl and respectively, rather than the totally lame bogus and boring and, dys-respectively.

    2. Ted Turner's voice will now be used on AOL to say when you check your mail: "Whoaaa. You've got mail, you lucky son of a gun. Probly some kinda hot babe wantin' to suck your dick or sumthin."

    3-20. Uhhh, you know, like, many many many more exciting exciting new new innovations and breakthroughs far too numerous to mention and far too complex and far-reaching and new and innovative and exciting for the average American to even begin to comprehend, let alone wanna even fucking bother watching, reading, listening to, or even pissing on.

Turner Hospitalized
REUTERS [or whomever] - (Jan 12) - AOL employee, Ted Turner, was hospitalized Monday, immediately following the press conference held to announce the mega mega-merger of those two heavily-branded companies, what's their name and what's their name Inc.

Turner, who, moments earlier, when given the podium to speak to a world-wide TV audience, failed to rant and rave like the fucking looney-tunes asshole he is, was hospitalized for a rare condition which causes its sufferers to fail to rant and rave and carry on like the fucking looney-tunes assholes they truly are, when given the rare opportunity of ranting and raving like a fucking looney tunes asshole to a world-wide live TV audience all over the world on live TV.

Some picture of something that somehow seems to go with the text 
below, though sometimes the connection is so counter-cosmic that only Barry 
Diller gets it
A partially sedated and therefore less flamboyant Ted Turner addresses concerned fans from window of Bethesda Navel Hospital, while a partially sedated Jane Fonda or Steve Case, looks on or is propping him up like in "Weekend at Bernie's."

International House of Pancakes invades Poland

National House of Pancakes invades Wisconsin

Media mogul Steve Case hospitalized after failed attempt to "boogie on down"

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