Wednesday, January 13, 1999
Dialing For Dali

Barcelona, SP - (Jan 13) - If Nature won't quite end, simply because we don't buy her fucking tee-shirt anymore, she will, nonetheless, clearly start to fade as results from worldwide focus groups start rolling in showing how all sociology is really just one more secondary footnote to Weekend at Bernie's. Or Weekend at Bernie's II. Or Both.

So it's not surprising to learn that, in the midst of shooting "Bram Strokefilm's 'Dracula,'" Bram Strokefilm, the inventor of the focus group itself, was also engineering the new hit single by the Spit Doctors, "Is There Spit On Other Planets?"

Nor is it surprising to learn that, when you live in a town like Bram's where it's easier to get a hot air balloon ride than an aspirin, the fastest cure for a headache is usually just, you know, leaping to your death.

When we finally caught up with Bram, he was just outside his suburban home just outside of Tustin, where he'd just finished negotiating a deal to write the footnotes for Weekend at Bernie's IV in which he also stars.

Washington Pissed: Bram, so if Nature abhors a vacuum, does Nurture abhor too much air? And what does a whore abhor?

Bram: I hope you will go see my new hit film or listen to my new hit single. I need the money to clone myself to be born again to die young like I should have done the fucking first time.

Anyway I am very excited about my next film, Weekend at Bernie's IV because it is the only film currently in the works with footnotes and a bibliography. It's all about the major question facing our so-called species: How many levels down are we??

In it, I play a crusading reporter who learns that Snoozeweek or somebody is holding back on the story about how the quantum and elementary particle physics of our pathetic little cosmos is setting off bullshit detectors up the wazoo in outer space because, apparently, it is but a speck in a higher order cosmos which is probably, itself, only a speck in a yet higher order cosmos and so on, where each higher order cosmos has either its own physics totally different from ours, or no physics at all since it doesn't need no fucking physics at all and likewise doesn't need no steeenking biology and cosmology at all, yet is still somehow, also, only just one more footnote to sociology.

Anyway, I have decided to leave my old band again after finally deciding once again that the pseudo-punk style and nature is not for me, after having earlier decided that pseudo-punk inhabits one forever after having of course earlier decided that the pseudo-punk style and nature were not for me. And as soon as I am officially no longer a pseudo-punk I will either become a real punk or a pseudo-something else. Whichever.

And then, armed with my new persona, and after we finish in the studio, or wherever, I'll be returning to the lab where I will be finishing rehearsing for replacing Joe Pesci in the longest running musical in the history of Broadway, Dialing for Dolly II.

[ PREVIOUS  |   ARCHIVES   |   C3F ]

Copyright (c) 1999 by HC