The Narratives Are Restless

Marblehead, MA - (Jan 14) - According to Newt Gingrich, Secretary of State for the Paula Jones Institute for the Study of White Trash Ebonics, a cell phone call placed by President Clinton to Paula Barbieri in 1994, was recorded by Ruth Bader Ginsburg and given to California Congressman Randy Machoman Savage, who released it, late last week, in order to discredit his political opponents and send the stock market skyrocketing to record highs, while the bond market remained skittish, in light trading.

In pleading the case before the Supreme Court, Ginsburg's Attorney, Attorney-General Madonna Ciccone, quoted Bosnian President Richard Jewell, asking the musical question, "If you had all your tupperware taken by the FBI and held for 2 months and then you got it back, would you eat off it?"

But apparently the Justices were too busy looking under their robes for letter bombs addressed to an Arab newspaper, and didn't fully comprehend the nature of the question.

After the oral arguments were given, the 9 Supreme Court Justices: Tommy Lasorda, Tommy Tune, Tommy Lee Jones, Ricky Lee Jones, Spike Jones, Spike Jonez, Spike Lee, Bruce Lee, Pinky Lee, Tommy Lee Jones, Ricky Lee Jones, Spike Lee, Pinky Lee, Peggy Lee, Jerry Lee Lewis, F. Lee Bailey, and Pamela Anderson Lee and Tommy Lee, retired to their chambers to discuss whether the Minnesota Saliva really had a chance to beat the Indiana Pacemakers in next Tuesday's Superbowl, to be held at the Paula Jones Trailer Park Auditorium in Raleigh-Durham North Carolina.

But because of bad drugs or something, or because one of the justices was on a bad acid trip or something, the court was unable to reach any conclusions regarding either the merits of the case they'd just heard, or the outcome of the Superbowl, so instead, they produced the following chart which illustrates how information flow is controlled on the internet and provides some understanding of why the net, despite all the creepily over-hyped promises, remains such a tragic fucking wasteland of media money-think and elitist butthole surfing:

Undaunted by the inferno of accusations of sanctimonious blow jobs in cheap hotels, however, the President launched his new initiative on champagne finance reform, as well as continuing to fulfill his other Constitutional doobies as prescribed by our Foundling Fathers.