Whoops, Distracted "Fans" Accidentally Miss Whole
REUTERS - (Green Babe, WI) -
Football fans attending last night's invitation-only
sneak Superbowl between the Green Babe Packers and the
Detroit Pistons of Love, were also subsequently inducted
into the Sports Fans Hall of Fame, early this morning,
on account of they all somehow totally accidentally
ignored the whole fucking game, and no one actually saw
it or remembers a damn thing about it or knows who won,
or who played, or even why.
Despite this, though, apparently the show went on and,
eventually the players started killing and/or fucking
each other just to try to get some damn, you know,
"eyeballs" or something.
But the fans must have been all fucked up or someone
must have traduced them, or something, cause they
continued to appear to not give a flaming flying fuck.
No pun intended, of course, and vice versa.
In the end, despite everybody having been killed in it,
the game wound up not having existed at all -- because
of the famous reason about how if a tree falls in the
woods or if Oliver Stone makes a film about it etc.
Anyway, according to Nixon or the CIA, the fans didn't
intentionally ignore the Superbowl, they just somehow,
accidentally seem to have gotten totally engrossed,
instead, in, like, keeping this little tiny single small
red balloon continually aloft in the stadium, as it
wafted slowly around propelled for endless millions of
total miles by their outstretched fingers.
And, apparently, according to researchers at, uh,
Harvard University, people not totally fixated on the
balloon weren't watching the game either because,
instead, they were all deeply engrossed in the act of
filing down their nails -- so as not to be the unlucky
one who accidentally popped reality.
Iowa Carcass Goers Accidently Give Golden Showers
Apparently it was all just one big mix-up or else
someone must have traduced the so-called Iowa Carcass
today, as, like, all the carcass-goers somehow wound up
selecting the winners of the annual Golden Shower Awards
The Golden Showers, normally selected by reporters from
the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, were awarded
last night in a ceremony at the International House of
Ceremonies and Pancakes.
The purpose of the Golden Shower Awards is to try to
pretend that some films are not the total utter fucking
worthless pieces of shit that all other films are and so
therefore, make it look like maybe the other films also
aren't such utter fucking worthless pieces of shit
either, since the films that win the awards aren't
really all that fucking much better pieces of shit
either, now aren't or are they.
This may have been the reason that when the Iowa Carcass
goers went into some room or someplace to vote for one
of their creepy-ass "presidential" candidates, they
actually wound up in some other room instead, where, via
maybe some advanced Heisenberg-DNA-genome thingie or
whatever, they were actually selecting the winners of
the annual Golden Shower Awards.
The reason this may have been the reason why is like
because, just like it is with the Golden Showers, the
purpose of the Iowa Carcass is to try to pretend that
some politicians are not the utter fucking worthless
slimeball asshole disingenuous, hypocritical,
sanctimonious pieces of shit that everybody knows they
are, so that then people will have to think that, hey,
maybe some of the others aren't too.
Anyway, when the votes were tallied, all the Golden
Showers were awarded to Gwyneth Paltrow, Matt Damon and
Ben Affleck, for whatever.
Also, Matt Damon, Ben Affleck and Gwyneth Paltrow won
the Golden Showers lifetime achievement awards, just in
case the world ends between now and 50 years from now
when they will no doubt be deservedly awarded their
lifetime achievement awards anyway, so why not just get
it the fuck over with now and move on?
Which was also the theme of this year's Golden Showers
and/or Iowa Carcass or whatever, or both. Or, of
course, vice versa.
The inventors of the Golden Shower awards received a
Golden Shower award for Best Invention of a Shower
Award, Golden or otherwise, at last nights Golden Shower
Those wacky foreigners, at it again.
Those wacky lawyers and paralegals, at it again.
Those wacky athletes, at it again.
Those wacky celebrities and para-celebrities, at it again.