Fight Stupid Consumerism!! Buy my fucking book!! The Washington 
Pissed
Friday, Jan 28, 2000
Departments!!
SEARCH THE
WASHINGTON PISSED
ARCHIVES
 
Starsky Will Give VP Nod To Hutch
REUTERS - (Washington) - Front-running Republican Party presidential candidate, Starsky, announced today that if he is fortunate enough to receive the Republican Party nomination for president, he would pick, as his running mate, Hutch.

"I am confident that Hutch," said Starsky, "has the depth and breadth of experience which would enable him to immediately step in and take over the reigns of the presidency if I were to be, say, brutally gunned down by a passing car only moments after the inaugural, or bludgeoned to death in my sleep by a family of escaped homicidal maniacs."

Kukla Would Pick Either Fran or Ollie
REUTERS - (Washington) - Front-running Democratic Party presidential candidate, Kukla, announced today that if he is fortunate enough to receive the Democratic Party nomination for president, he would select his Vice President from a short list made up of just Fran and Ollie.

"Either Fran or Ollie," said Kukla, "would be capable of seamlessly taking over the reigns of government were I to be, say, brutally gunned down by Starsky and Hutch in a passing '77 Pontiac GTO only moments before the inauguration, or buried to death by the dildo shards of a nearby imploding porn matrix."

"Weekend at Bernie's" Taps "Weekend At Bernie's II" For Veep Slot
REUTERS - (Washington) - A spokesman for "Weekend at Bernie's" announced today that the number one box-office grossing, Academy Award-winning picture of all time, "Weekend at Bernie's" would select the number two box-office grossing, Academy Award-winning picture of all time, "Weekend at Bernie's II," to be its running mate if it is fortunate enough to receive the Reform Party nomination for president.

"I am confident that if we have 'Weekend at Bernie's II' threaded through a back-up projector," said the spokesman, "and someone accidentally knocks over the main projector running President 'Weekend at Bernie's' during, say, the State of the Union Message or a press conference or announcement of going to war against Mexico, that by simply flipping on the back-up projector with 'Weekend at Bernie's II,' we'd be able to affect an immediate and almost seamless transition of power.


   
Some picture of something that somehow seems to go with the text 
below, though sometimes the connection is so counter-cosmic that only Barry 
Diller gets it
Armored divisions of the War Against Not Enough Drugs clashed throughout the day, today, with small units of the War Against Drugs Themselves, as the War Between The War Against Not Enough Drugs and The War On Drugs Themselves entered its 3rd week, 4th day, 22nd hour, 9th minute, 11th second, 437th millisecond, 44th microsecond, and 3rd nanosecond with no signs of signage itself in sight. The war on drugs is a division of Annheiser-Busch.

MEDIA
Washington Pissed Inks Pact with Time-Warner!! -- Basic Cable, $9.95/mo

COMMUNICATIONS
Washington Pissed In Nationwide Deal With AT&T -- 25% lower long-distance rates after 3am

SPORTS
Washington Pissed Buys NY Yankees memorabilia on eBay






[ PREVIOUS  |   ARCHIVES   |   C3F ]

Another chance to fight stupid consumerism by buying my fucking 
book.
 


Copyright (c) 2000 by HC