Jennifer Lopez's Proctologist Awarded Congressional
Medal of Honor!!!
New TV Show "Who Wants to Be a Fuckin' Whore" Cancelled
On Account of Bein' a Rhetorical Question
San Luis Luis - (Feb 11) -
The popular exciting new TV show from Fox, "Who Wants to
Be a Fuckin' Whore!" had to be cancelled today, months
before its first show had even aired, on account of the
answer to its eponymous question of "Who wants to be a
Fuckin' Whore?," is, apparently, "Fuckin' EVERYBODY!!!"
"Apparently," said Fox CEO, Joe Fox, "NOBODY's gonna be
home watchin' if EVERYBODY's in the studio screaming "ME
ME ME ME!!! PLEASE LEMME BE A FUCKIN' WHORE!'"
The show's sponsor, slimy fucking AT&T, however, has
turned around and hired all 270 million of the people
who showed up to audition, saying, "Here at AT&T, we'll
take every fuckin' whore we can lay our slimy fuckin'
According to AT&T CEO, C. Michael Armwhore, the 270
million whore-wannabes will be "converted into the
world's most highly-motivated sales force, and sent out
into the hinterlands to sell a vast array of broadband
services to the 10 or 11 3-year-olds and 95-year-olds
still remaining in American homes while everybody else
is out trying to make it on the pilot of a cancelled TV
show about what it means to be human."
FBI Zeroes In On Hackers
The Fucking Buncha Ignorant-Baby-Killers, the FBI,
issued a statement today that they were apparently
zeroing in on the awful hackers who caused all those
terrible outages of many wonderful websites over the
past couplea fucking days or whenever.
"Eventually," an FBI spokesman told reporters, "the FBI
will finish zeroing in, at which time they will be fully
zeroed in, and will have come up with, you know, ZERO.
Hackers Blow Up Wall St.
Hey. Some hackers blew up so-called "Wall Street"
Unfortunately, like Reagan, they fuckin' didn't blow it
Hey, could somebody please get it right next time. Or
"Long Live the Capitalist Shithole!"
Two random people embrace on hearing the news that big
dumb fat bald guy, Jesse Ventura, will apparently quit
the so called Reform Party "on account of it's just a
buncha fuckin' shitheads." The straight-talking
no-nonsense Ventura, who apparently is unable to control
the Reform Party with the same fascist iron fist he
uses to control his dick, said he will start a new party
to be called, "The Big Dumb Fat Bald Guy Former Wrestler
Former Navy SEAL Party," which will be TOTALLY
INDEPENDENT of his fascistic iron fist control. "I will
be just another weak-willed, pathetic loser, in this
party, like everybody else," Ventura told the crowd of
20,000 reporters lookin' for an angry fix in the
drug-sick night, or wherever.
All Airplanes Grounded On Account of Flying Turns Out To Have Just Been Another
Dumb Fucking Mistake of Civilization, Like Disco and Christianity
Jennifer Lopez's Colono-rectal surgeon receives purple heart for bravery