Fight Stupid Consumerism!! Buy my fucking book!! The Washington 
Friday, Feb 11, 2000
Jennifer Lopez's Proctologist Awarded Congressional Medal of Honor!!!

New TV Show "Who Wants to Be a Fuckin' Whore" Cancelled On Account of Bein' a Rhetorical Question
San Luis Luis - (Feb 11) - The popular exciting new TV show from Fox, "Who Wants to Be a Fuckin' Whore!" had to be cancelled today, months before its first show had even aired, on account of the answer to its eponymous question of "Who wants to be a Fuckin' Whore?," is, apparently, "Fuckin' EVERYBODY!!!"

"Apparently," said Fox CEO, Joe Fox, "NOBODY's gonna be home watchin' if EVERYBODY's in the studio screaming "ME ME ME ME!!! PLEASE LEMME BE A FUCKIN' WHORE!'"

The show's sponsor, slimy fucking AT&T, however, has turned around and hired all 270 million of the people who showed up to audition, saying, "Here at AT&T, we'll take every fuckin' whore we can lay our slimy fuckin' hands on."

According to AT&T CEO, C. Michael Armwhore, the 270 million whore-wannabes will be "converted into the world's most highly-motivated sales force, and sent out into the hinterlands to sell a vast array of broadband services to the 10 or 11 3-year-olds and 95-year-olds still remaining in American homes while everybody else is out trying to make it on the pilot of a cancelled TV show about what it means to be human."

FBI Zeroes In On Hackers
The Fucking Buncha Ignorant-Baby-Killers, the FBI, issued a statement today that they were apparently zeroing in on the awful hackers who caused all those terrible outages of many wonderful websites over the past couplea fucking days or whenever.

"Eventually," an FBI spokesman told reporters, "the FBI will finish zeroing in, at which time they will be fully zeroed in, and will have come up with, you know, ZERO.

Hackers Blow Up Wall St.
Hey. Some hackers blew up so-called "Wall Street" today. Cool.

Unfortunately, like Reagan, they fuckin' didn't blow it up enough.

Hey, could somebody please get it right next time. Or "Long Live the Capitalist Shithole!"


Some picture of something that somehow seems to go with the text 
below, though sometimes the connection is so counter-cosmic that only Barry 
Diller gets it
Two random people embrace on hearing the news that big dumb fat bald guy, Jesse Ventura, will apparently quit the so called Reform Party "on account of it's just a buncha fuckin' shitheads." The straight-talking no-nonsense Ventura, who apparently is unable to control the Reform Party with the same fascist iron fist he uses to control his dick, said he will start a new party to be called, "The Big Dumb Fat Bald Guy Former Wrestler Former Navy SEAL Party," which will be TOTALLY INDEPENDENT of his fascistic iron fist control. "I will be just another weak-willed, pathetic loser, in this party, like everybody else," Ventura told the crowd of 20,000 reporters lookin' for an angry fix in the drug-sick night, or wherever.

All Airplanes Grounded On Account of Flying Turns Out To Have Just Been Another Dumb Fucking Mistake of Civilization, Like Disco and Christianity

Jennifer Lopez's Colono-rectal surgeon receives purple heart for bravery

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