Fight Stupid Consumerism!! Buy my fucking book!! The Washington 
Monday, Feb 14, 2000
FBI Arrests Hackers!!!!!
The FBI today arrested all 667 hackers involved in last weeks distributed denial of service attacks on several leading internet websites.

Unfortunately for the FBI, however, the hackers they arrested all turned out to be, you know, like, themselves.

New Species, Half-Human, Half-Plastic Bag, Emerges From Pacific Ocean
A cool new species, which appears to be approximately half-human and half plastic bag, emerged from the Pacific Ocean, early this morning, just south of Santa Barbara.

Though a spokesman for the new species was unavailable for comment pending notification of next of kin, and though little is known about the new species or its origins or evolution, it is obvious already that they have a powerful selective advantage by being suicide-ready right outta the box -- and only have to add phenobarbital and vodka to get the job done, at a moment's notice.

When your species lives in the ocean, crackin' open a cooler of brewskies in some barren room in some oppressive downtown office building or gym is considered "a picnic."

The new species, which is remarkably hip, has created its own eclectic hybrid of human popular culture -- one highly popular form combines elements of break-dancing and the OJ Simpson trial.

Some picture of something that somehow seems to go with the text 
below, though sometimes the connection is so counter-cosmic that only Barry 
Diller gets it
Bush Invents New Marijuana -- (AP) -- Instead of running for President, which is just for losers anyway, Texas Governor George W. Bush has decided to move on and do something much cooler and invent a whole new marijuana, instead. According to Bush, who is now touring the country and selling his new marijuana at huge rallies, the cool new hip-hop leaf structure of his new marijuana was specially-designed by his mother, Barbara Bush, so as to appeal to the sensibilities of today's youth. Bush's new marijuana, according to Bush, is also specially designed to make hackers stop wantin' to always be blowin' up Wall Street all the time. "If all hackers," said Bush, "will just smoke my new marijuana, then a study conducted by MIT has shown that incidences of hackers blowin' up Wall Street all the time will drop overnight by 25-30%." Meanwhile, John McCain, who hasn't realized that running for President is just for losers, is continuing to run for President but has also just invented a new marijuana too. Surprise!! "My new marijuana," said McCain, "is much bigger than George Bush's new marijuana." Bush however told the press that his new marijuana was, in fact, much bigger than John McCain's marijuana. But John McCain responded by saying that his new marijuana was much bigger than George W. Bush's marijuana. To which George Bush replied that his new marijuana was much bigger than John McCain's marijuana. To which John McCain replied that George Bush is an a--hole and therefore couldn't invent a bigger marijuana even if he tried. To which George Bush said that he would give his marijuana to Carol Doda and hopefully so would John McCain and then a neutral 3rd party could decide whose marijuana was bigger.

[ PREVIOUS  |   ARCHIVES   |   C3F ]

Another chance to fight stupid consumerism by buying my fucking 

Copyright (c) 2000 by HC