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FBI Arrests Hackers!!!!!
The FBI today arrested all 667 hackers involved in
last weeks distributed denial of service attacks on
several leading internet websites.
Unfortunately for the FBI, however, the hackers they
arrested all turned out to be, you know, like,
themselves.
New Species, Half-Human, Half-Plastic Bag, Emerges From
Pacific Ocean
A cool new species, which appears to be approximately
half-human and half plastic bag, emerged from the
Pacific Ocean, early this morning, just south of Santa
Barbara.
Though a spokesman for the new species was unavailable
for comment pending notification of next of kin, and
though little is known about the new species or its
origins or evolution, it is obvious already that they
have a powerful selective advantage by being
suicide-ready right outta the box -- and only have to
add phenobarbital and vodka to get the job done, at a
moment's notice.
When your species lives in the ocean, crackin' open a
cooler of brewskies in some barren room in some oppressive
downtown office building or gym is considered "a
picnic."
The new species, which is remarkably hip, has created
its own eclectic hybrid of human popular culture -- one
highly popular form combines elements of break-dancing
and the OJ Simpson trial.
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Bush Invents New Marijuana -- (AP) --
Instead of running for President, which is just for
losers anyway, Texas Governor George W. Bush has decided
to move on and do something much cooler and invent a
whole new marijuana, instead.
According to Bush, who is now touring the country and
selling his new marijuana at huge rallies, the cool new
hip-hop leaf structure of his new marijuana was
specially-designed by his mother, Barbara Bush, so as to
appeal to the sensibilities of today's youth.
Bush's new marijuana, according to Bush, is also
specially designed to make hackers stop wantin' to
always be blowin' up Wall Street all the time.
"If all hackers," said Bush, "will just smoke my new
marijuana, then a study conducted by MIT has shown that
incidences of hackers blowin' up Wall Street all the
time will drop overnight by 25-30%."
Meanwhile, John McCain, who hasn't realized that running
for President is just for losers, is continuing to run
for President but has also just invented a new marijuana
too. Surprise!!
"My new marijuana," said McCain, "is much bigger than
George Bush's new marijuana."
Bush however told the press that his new marijuana was,
in fact, much bigger than John McCain's marijuana.
But John McCain responded by saying that his new
marijuana was much bigger than George W. Bush's
marijuana.
To which George Bush replied that his new marijuana was
much bigger than John McCain's marijuana.
To which John McCain replied that George Bush is an
a--hole and therefore couldn't invent a bigger marijuana
even if he tried.
To which George Bush said that he would give his marijuana to
Carol Doda and hopefully so would John McCain and then a
neutral 3rd party could decide whose marijuana was
bigger.
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