Candidates Eschew Isms!!
There's no denying that, this election cycle at least,
the candidates have been eschewing so-called "isms"
so-called "up" the proverbial "wazoo."
So, while Candidate A is going around saying "Optimism
schmoptimism!!" Candidate B. is going around saying
"Cynicism schmynicism!! and Candidate C. is going around
saying "Socialism schmocialism!! while Candidate D. is
going around saying "Prism schmism!!" and Candidate E is
going around saying "Schism schmism!!"
Why Have Even Fucking Bothered?
People wearing motherboards emerged today unscathed from
a series of emotion-recognition-based future movies
where, according to a just-completed study sponsored by
the XML-Based Model of Structure Foundation, human
language is simply just too fucking ambiguous to ever
really be able to really communicate just how really
fucking ambiguous it is.
"We are tired of driving by golf courses set on the
edges of cliffs overlooking oceans where day after day,
month after month, year after year the sign outside says
"Welcome Psychotic Luxury," like, obviously, this tour
bus of CPA's-on-the-edge is gonna show up any day now or
they are arriving EVERY day, now, and never stop and we
have to keep welcoming them," said a spokesman for the
group whose name had been changed to a hand gesture and
who swore that no matter what so-called human nature was
or what so-called fucking anything was, they would still wake
up every morning and re-affirm how, like, they were
gonna, you know, do everything they possibly could that
day to remain independent of all kinds of context-specific
run-time constraints. Though they knew, in the end,
that it or they or whoever wouldn't
whatever, whatever, so why have even fucking bothered?
Hackers Responsible for So Cal Rain
Those hackers are at it again, and apparently are making
it rain today in so-called So Cal and yesterday too.
According to the California Weather Circus this is all
apparently because, as per Disney, rain is just a
distributed denial of service attack your heart makes
when you're in sleep stage 4.
Whatever Is!!
Sorry our overworked fact-checking staff hasn't bothered
or had time to check, but I'm sure there still exists at least
no evidence to the contrary that, you know, whatever.
Topsy, Part II
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tch-tch TCH tch tch, tch-tch, tch-tch-tch-tch-tch,
etc.
or whatever.
McCain Drops Out -- "I'm an Even Bigger Quitter," Bush
Claims -- Drops Out Double!!!
"Passionate preservatives will lovingly keep your food
from rotting, or at least make it rot a little slower
than it would otherwise," Bush told a crowd of reporters
as he announced his withdrawal from the presidential
race in order to devote full time to sitting around
playing asteroids and drinking 7-up in the CEO office of
this exciting new enterprise that'll bear his name and
leverage many of the leftover phonemes of his former campaign
slogan.