Fight Stupid Consumerism!! Buy my fucking book!! The Washington 
Monday, Feb 21, 2000
Candidates Eschew Isms!!
There's no denying that, this election cycle at least, the candidates have been eschewing so-called "isms" so-called "up" the proverbial "wazoo."

So, while Candidate A is going around saying "Optimism schmoptimism!!" Candidate B. is going around saying "Cynicism schmynicism!! and Candidate C. is going around saying "Socialism schmocialism!! while Candidate D. is going around saying "Prism schmism!!" and Candidate E is going around saying "Schism schmism!!"

Why Have Even Fucking Bothered?
People wearing motherboards emerged today unscathed from a series of emotion-recognition-based future movies where, according to a just-completed study sponsored by the XML-Based Model of Structure Foundation, human language is simply just too fucking ambiguous to ever really be able to really communicate just how really fucking ambiguous it is.

"We are tired of driving by golf courses set on the edges of cliffs overlooking oceans where day after day, month after month, year after year the sign outside says "Welcome Psychotic Luxury," like, obviously, this tour bus of CPA's-on-the-edge is gonna show up any day now or they are arriving EVERY day, now, and never stop and we have to keep welcoming them," said a spokesman for the group whose name had been changed to a hand gesture and who swore that no matter what so-called human nature was or what so-called fucking anything was, they would still wake up every morning and re-affirm how, like, they were gonna, you know, do everything they possibly could that day to remain independent of all kinds of context-specific run-time constraints. Though they knew, in the end, that it or they or whoever wouldn't whatever, whatever, so why have even fucking bothered?

Hackers Responsible for So Cal Rain
Those hackers are at it again, and apparently are making it rain today in so-called So Cal and yesterday too.

According to the California Weather Circus this is all apparently because, as per Disney, rain is just a distributed denial of service attack your heart makes when you're in sleep stage 4.

Whatever Is!!
Sorry our overworked fact-checking staff hasn't bothered or had time to check, but I'm sure there still exists at least no evidence to the contrary that, you know, whatever.

Topsy, Part II
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tch-tch tch-tch tch-tch tch
tch-tch tch-tch tch-tch tch
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tch-tch TCH tch tch, tch-tch, tch-tch-tch-tch-tch,
or whatever.

McCain Drops Out -- "I'm an Even Bigger Quitter," Bush Claims -- Drops Out Double!!!
"Passionate preservatives will lovingly keep your food from rotting, or at least make it rot a little slower than it would otherwise," Bush told a crowd of reporters as he announced his withdrawal from the presidential race in order to devote full time to sitting around playing asteroids and drinking 7-up in the CEO office of this exciting new enterprise that'll bear his name and leverage many of the leftover phonemes of his former campaign slogan.

Some picture of something that somehow seems to go with the text 
below, though sometimes the connection is so counter-cosmic that only Barry 
Diller gets it
Capitalism, schmapitalism!!!

Existentialism, schmexistentialism!!

Onomatopoeia, schmonomatopoeia!!

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