Monday, March 8, 1999
Bush Rape Victims Launch New Website

Old rape victims of Texas Governor George W. Bush have started their own website in order to share their many interesting and entertaining stories of the times they were raped by Texas Governor George W. Bush.

"This is just a place where we can all get together and share our stories about the times George W. Bush coldly and mechanically raped us," said Rebecca Firestone, the webmaster and originator of the site.

Firestone, now 21 and chief investment strategist for Goldman, Sachs, got the idea for the website one day when she was surfing the web and stumbled on a site started by some of the coke-snorting buddies of Texas Governor George W. Bush.

"When I checked it out," said Firestone, "I found they were all such cool people. They were just hanging out, telling their stories about the times they'd all get coked-up with George W. Bush and go out and rape underage girls. And that made me realize there were lots more like me, who'd been raped by George W. Bush and his coke-snorting buddies, and that we could all get together and sit around on the web and tell each other our own stories, too."

According to Firestone, after only a week online, the site already has about 15,000 members, with hundreds and thousands more signing up each day.

"It's really exciting to share our stories -- especially since they're all so different," said Firestone. "I mean, many women were raped by George W. Bush while he was on angel dust, not coke, and their stories are totally different from the stories of women who were raped by George W. Bush when he was on coke. And then there's the stories of the women raped by George W. Bush when he was on peyote. I mean, forget about it!"

Firestone said she was currently in negotiations with a website started by men who'd been raped by George W. Bush when he was on heroin, and some kind of partnering situation was very likely.

"Their stories of being raped by George W. Bush are completely different from our stories in ways that are completely different from the ways in which our stories are completely different from each other," said Firestone, "but that doesn't mean we can't learn from them."

"For example," said the website's co-founder, Rebecca Sunnybrook, "I've learned that I'll be in for an even more fulfilling experience if, the next time I'm being raped by Texas Governor George W. Bush I say to him, 'Hey, George, why don't you do it to me like you did it to Matt Drudge.'"

Though Firestone claimed her site wants to reach out to everyone, even to George W. Bush rape-victim-wannabes, she said there were no plans at the present time to consider any kinds of partnering agreements with websites started by the families of babies and children brutally murdered by Texas Governor George W. Bush, in cold blood.

"The people who run those sites are very angry, self-involved people," said Firestone. "They don't seem to really wanna share their stories. I think they really just wanna build traffic and sell ad banners and get some e-commerce thing going, so they can get rich overnight and achieve their ultimate goal of world domination for their own kind at the expense of decent law-abiding middle-class working families, in chains."

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