Echo&theBunnymen, DC - ( March 12) - President Bill Clinton, today, claimed that he had not made the confession he was alleged to have made in an article published on the Playboy website, late yesterday.

"I did not make the confession I was alleged to have made," said Clinton, "And if I did, I was coerced into doing so, and therefore I hereby withdraw it."

Clinton claimed that his withdrawal of the confession was in no way a confession that he had in fact made the original confession and, to prove it, he went on to confess several things that he'd never confessed before, and had never even been alleged to have confessed before.

Playboy eventually confessed that the army had pressured them into publishing the alleged confession, though the army immediately denied any knowledge of having pressured Playboy into publishing the alleged confession.

In a related story, the Scottish clone guy went before Congress, today, to deny allegations made in an alleged confession published on the Hustler website this morning, in which he allegedly confessed to having already cloned 10 human beings -- 6 successfully, and the other 4 are daytime talkshow hosts.

"I made no such confession," the Scottish clone guy said, "And if I did, then Hustler must have obtained it by illegal means and therefore it's invalid."

Hustler firmly denied having obtained the confession by illegal means, and everybody on their website's editorial board passed a lie detector test to prove it.

However, later this morning, Penthouse magazine published a legally-obtained confession by the guy who gave the lie detector test to the editorial board of the Hustler Magazine website, in which he admitted that he'd been coerced into lying that the Hustler editorial board had all passed the lie detector test when, in fact, they hadn't.

"I was coerced," he said, "Into rigging the lie detector test so it looked like the Hustler magazine editorial board all passed it when, in fact, they may or may not have actually passed it."

Hustler magazine denied having coerced the lie detector guy.

Then the lie detector guy claimed that he'd informed the Scottish clone guy about the confession, but the Scottish clone guy claimed he knew absolutely nothing about the lie detector guy's claim that the Hustler lie detector results claim was a lie.

The lie detector guy swore he told a member of the clone guy's staff, but the member of the clone guy's staff said he thought the lie detector guy was lying, and had told him not to tell the clone guy, but the lie detector guy said no way had he told him not to tell the clone guy, but the clone guy's staff-person just said no way you didn't not tell me no way not to tell the clone guy, who meanwhile was busy denying that he was, himself, a clone, and that, if he wasn't, in fact, a clone, that he was, in fact, just a character in a scripted drama being acted by Anthony Hopkins and this whole clone thing was just some kinda elaborate ruse to make everybody forget what was really, you know, going on.