Wednesday, March 19, 1997
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Supremes' Court Decides What's Decency

Santa Monica, CA - ( March 19) - At the Martha Vandella and the Supremes new Santa Monica Midnight Basketball Court, they broke up their game early last night, to begin hearing opening oral arguments about whether or not there should be any communications decency.

The following transcript of their opening deliberations was obtained by Walter Cronkite from either the Playboy or Hustler website, and is therefore absolutely truthful and accurate. (And it's been proofread by Charles Grodin, to guarantee that even a motherfucking moron can understand it.)

Justice Suture: OK. So should we have computer decency or not?

Justice Tom: Fuck, yeah!

Justice Scabies: Next case.

ACLU Lawyer 1: Wait a minute. What about Michaelangelo?

Justice O'Day: Yeah, but what about "Little Women?" -- if ya know what I mean.

Slimeballs for Decency -- In a related story, world class ho', Donna Rice Ho' (the hustler who literally blew Gary Hart out of the '84 Presidential nomination, then came out with a line of jeans that cut off circulation to the, uh, private parts), the spokeswoman for outraged moral righteousness everywhere, told everybody how we really hadda protect all the poor little children out there from sleaze merchants like Botticelli and John Cage.

"Though my 1985 Playboy nude centerfold," said the hypocritical, slimy bitch, "Is just clean, wholesome fun for the whole family."

English Hold Erections -- Britain or the UK or England, or whatever, is apparently gonna hold, like, an erection, or whatever, on May 1st. The people will vote to decide whether the erection is named after some guy named Blair or after some guy named Major. Also at issue is whether crumpets or something will be the national bird.

Murdoch Wants PointlessCast -- Giant Media slimeball, Snooze Corp, is trying to buy PointlessCast Inc., the entrepreneurial leader in too cool, Puke Media technology.

PointlessCast's proprietary "puke" technology allows it to take utterly soulless content from a small number of America's creepiest limp media whores, and ram it down the throats of innocent, unsuspecting people working diligently at their computers, simply trying to stay alive.

"It's like a mother bird puking pre-digested food down its little baby bird's throat," smiled PointlessCast VP of marketing, Tom Turner-Fonda-Malone. "Which is to say, that that's just the way it fucking is -- so just shut the fuck up and take it."


Copyright (c) 1997 by C3F