"I Learned How To Kill Myself At WWW.DISNEY.COM!" Says 6-Year-Old Beauty Queen, From Grave!
###
Aliens Discovered In Tiny Pretzels!
###
California Neuro-Surgeons Report Breakthrough Using New "Like, whatever" Technology!
###
Web Workers Bored Shitless! Threaten More Suicides! Civilization Crumbles!
###
Time-Warner Website Dispenses Free Heroin To 9-Year-Olds Over Phone Lines!
###
Survey Shows Human Nature Bankrupt As A Fucking Nano-bot Sucking A Fucking Neutrino!
###
Using Psycho-kinesis To Make The Asshole In Front Of You In The Free Ticket Line Get The "Sorry, But You're Not On The List, Loser," Treatment!
###
When Roller-Coasters Collide!
###
Clinton Steps Down! Ron Jeremy Appointed 46th, Or Whatever, US President By The Supremes! Carol Doda Gets Veep Nod!
###
Kathy Acker Discovered With White Picket Fence!!
###
Survey Shows Pilots Prefer Peyote For Transcontinental Flights!
###
Survey Shows Bus Drivers Prefer Angel Dust Over DMT!
###
A Logie From Outer Space Ate My Dingo, Or Whatever!
###
Self-Inflicted Gunshot Wounds As A Fashion Statement!
###
Bullshit Talks!
###
No Pain, No Pain!
###
Walter Kronkite's Quadruple Bypass Spit In My Food!
###
Andreessen Found Alive!!
###
Disgruntled Microsoft Programmer Planted April 15th Virus! In ALL Windows 95 Disks!