Monday, April 12, 1999
  Consumers Should Stop Being Such a Buncha Utter Fucking Assholes, Study Finds

Consume-Or-Consequences, NM - (Apr 12) - Consumers can make a large impact on how big an utter fucking worthless piece of shit everything is if they would just stop being such a buncha utter fucking stupid worthless Pavlovian assholes, according to a study commissioned by the National Consumers League.

Buying products that aren't utter fucking stupid worthless pieces of shit is one of the most clear-cut and simple ways consumers can help tackle the problem of everything being such an utter fucking worthless piece of shit, according to the study which is published in the "Why Is Everything Such an Utter Piece of Shit Day" Issue of the Journal of Why is Everything Such An Utter Fucking Piece of Shit?.

The Michigan State University School of Why Is Everything Such an Utter Fucking Piece of Shit, who conducted the study, examined 100 different product categories and found that it was exactly the same as examining just one product: Betty Crocker's Hamburger Helper for the Brain.

The study concludes:

1. The typical American family could just stop being such a buncha utter fucking worthless Pavlovian assholes for a few minutes a day, and everything would almost overnight, be a little less of an utter fucking worthless piece of shit.

2. Consumers stopping being such a buncha utter fucking worthless Pavlovian assholes could reduce the level of everything's being such an utter fucking piece of shit by about 3%.

3. If everyone in the United States stopped being such a buncha utter fucking worthless Pavlovian assholes in the same 10 behavioral circumstances, the total worthless piece of shit index of the world would fall by more than seven percent, or about 14 million tons.

4. Being not such an utter fucking worthless Pavlovian asshole for a moment or two, also gives you more for your money. For example, the average family could save $150 a year if they would just stop being such a buncha utter fucking worthless Pavlovian assholes.

"Most of the time people don't even have to stop being the complete buncha utter fucking worthless Pavlovian assholes they usually are," says Journal of Why is Everything Such An Utter Fucking Piece of Shit? editor, Rebecca Sunnybrook. "Simply stop being such a buncha utter fucking worthless Pavlovian assholes for just a few moments a month, like in your sleep or something, and that might be enough."

The study is also good news for people who have been unable to completely be the buncha utter fucking worthless moronic Pavlovian assholes they know they can and should be.

Based on the analysis done by the Journal of Why is Everything Such An Utter Fucking Piece of Shit?, if Minneapolis consumers, for example, stopped being such a buncha utter fucking worthless Pavlovian assholes for a few REM periods a week, the city would cut its level of things being an utter fucking worthless piece of shit by approximately 156,000 tons annually. With the cost of things being utter fucking worthless pieces of shit running more than $100 a ton, that's a savings of $15.6 million a year, according to the Journal of Why is Everything Such An Utter Fucking Piece of Shit? report.

With "Why Is Everything Such an Utter Piece of Shit Day" coming up April 22, the Journal of Why is Everything Such An Utter Fucking Piece of Shit? report encourages consumers to STOP BEING SUCH A BUNCHA UTTER FUCKING WORTHLESS PAVLOVIAN ASSHOLES -- TODAY!!!.

 


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