Thursday, April 24, 1997
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"Bozo" Journalist Arrested

Famous "bozo" journalist, Hunter S. Thompson, was arrested today apparently because he had not only figured out the universe, but apparently because he'd also figured out, like, how to blow yourself.

"It's easy, "said Thompson, "You just put your...." But of course he was cut off, as it were, by armed guards before he could spill out (in his famous "bozo" style) the secrets of either the universe or blowing the self.

The arrest comes on the eve of the publication of Thompson's latest book, "Jane Air," which, according to the author, "Is about, you know, this chick named Jane, who turns out to be, you know, just air."

Thompson's previous book, "Anal Probe Report," is a novel in the form of a written report from the head of an alien space team that's just finished an anal probe of the human heart.

Coppola Will Direct Turing II

Has-been crapola director, Francis Ford Coppola, has apparently been hired by Disney to direct its upcoming comedy sequel "Turing Test II."

Like the film "The Turing Test," which never really existed (but who's counting), "Turing Test II" is based on the so-called test developed by mathematician Alan Turing, who helped save the world by cracking the enigma code, then turned around and helped destroy it by fathering, as it were, the digital computer.

The Turing Test, as embodied in the annual Loebner Prize Competition, pits a number of human judges against a number of computer screens typing out sentences. The judges interact with the screens by typing in sentences and the screens respond with more sentences, and it's up to the judges to decide whether the responses are coming from an actual human being, or from, you know, just another fucking robot. Of course, the difficulty of the task is compounded by the fact that most so-called human beings actually are just fucking robots. So why bother?

"Turing Test II," said Coppola, scarfing down a couplea racks of lamb or whatever, as he spoke, "Is based loosely on the original Turing Test, but it follows a whole new line of reasoning. See, in "TT-II" we start from the fundamental assumption that all human beings really are fucking robots, and so what we wanna find out with Turing Test II is, you know, if the fucking robot even has, like, a fucking soul."


Copyright (c) 1997 by C3F