Friday, May 22, 1998
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World Infrastructure Collapse Ate My Balls

The USA - (May 22) - The scotch tape and chewing gum infrastructure of bogus capitalist "reality" continued crumbling, this week, as fundamental world communications links crashed without back up, and enough people continued pushing so hard at the fucking "edge," that another one finally crossed over into the religion of absolute honesty, where mass murder is the only Salvation.

"The fucking lies," "the fucking fascism of unbridled consumer capitalism," "the constant assault of endless, unreal, fabricated expectation," and, of course, "the sudden unbearable lightness, or whatever, of the awareness that 'Fear and Loathing,' was gonna be an utter fucking piece of dogshit," were all given as reasons for whatever was happening, regardless of what it actually was or wasn't that actually was, you know, happening.

Speaking to the graduating class of the US Navel Academy, at Promotional Consideration Auditorium, in Promotional Consideration-or-Consequences, New Mexico, President Clinton warned, "These random killings must stop, or, at least, they must be channelled into well-thought-out, highly targeted, totally non-random killings.

"Whether they are just a function of human nature, or of human nature made sick and brutal by consumer capitalism and its handmaiden, advertising, is not for us to decide. That judgement should be left to Clarence Thomas."

The students responded by staring at their navels, as they'd been trained to do during 4 rigorous years at the Navel Academy.

"Eventually, it's all gonna be just a vast sinkhole where everybody's a robot except you and me and -- sometimes -- you know, I'm not so sure about YOU," Clinton went on.

"You know -- a world where pagers and fax machines talk to each other via satellite, and software already has the response waiting based on phone number of the caller and fast search of vast databases, and where, by the same token, the response to the response is already known, so the response to that is already prepared and sometimes even sent before the first response itself, and likewise on the other side -- so, in the end, all possible human interactions have already been played out to their logical or illogical (whichever) conclusion in software, even before they've been initiated in the first place, so not only 'like, why fucking even fucking bother,' but also, you know, 'like, uhhh, why fucking even ... uhhh ....' something else."

At this point, losing interest in his own speech, which he'd already read so why bother, the President put aside his prepared text and momentarily got down with Warren Beatty and started rapping about his week.

Sittin at the White House
When along comes Tara Lapinsky
I said, hey there Tara Lapinsky
You know, Lapinsky kinda rhymes with Lewinsky.


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