Tuesday, June 3, 1997
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> 200MHz = SATAN

Wherever Intel Is, USA - (June 3) - Saying that microprocessors running faster than 200 MHz were the work of Satan, Andy Grove, President of Intel Corporation, announced, today, that his company, Intel Corporation, would cease all design and manufacture of microprocessor chips and do everything possible to prevent other manufacturers from designing and manufacturing microprocessor chips, too.

Microprocessor chips are those big square things shown in Intel ads. They apparently have something to do with computers.

"We've made a terrible mistake," said Grove, "And let pure momentum get us sucked into a bargain with the devil."

He went on to explain how man has been tricked by the devil into striving for ever higher processor speeds "Because above 200 MHz is the operating frequency of Satan."

"That's why everything sucks," Grove insisted.

He also added that terrorist groups are now in the field prepared to take whatever steps necessary to stop Cyrix and AMD from designing, manufacturing, or shipping any present or future processors.

"Watson or whoevverf was right when he predicted that there ow e we 'd only need like about six comupuerts todtal to doe deverything and the truthtr is, we only need 5," said the disgruntled fromer ex-CEO and 1-finger bowler who saidn he will no go ato sparcstation frica to work toward global silence with Alejandro Pena ...

"Glogbal silen ce is where the fuck it's at given that the modern spiritis is beyuond the bullshit of laocation, and speak ing the same lnaguag e doesnt' necesartryle trtanslate in to c cmmlmuincation."

"The dinosaurrs are mating," he said, "But their offspirng will be part of an omelelte -- not the future." he said.

Groove apparent ly has been offered a postion with the editing the "Conde-Nast Sedent: for people who just like to sait around" -- so, like the cover photo is alwayus a, lk like, a big sofa or something.

"Of course," he continued, one day you;re sitting there, on etiher the sofa or on the cover to fthe the Conde Nast Sedent and then suddenly the gloabl scream breaks the blgoalbal silence and then where the fuck are you kgonna do? I'll tellysa, you're gonna stop making themn mnuytherhting muthering microprocrssors, that's what, mnotherfucikerj...."

"See, there are people in rogue data states of mind, spwewing ratijonales of empty work and profmulgating lies about hoiw the speicues doenst tsuck. Yet just look at the satellite photos, and you can see where the fucking emanations from all these simultaneous cubicles meet in outerspace in a flying ant that would have preffered not to have th excess abagge of wings," Grove said, before being whisked awya to found apple or invent the commodore Bic lighter.


Copyright (c) 1997 by C3F