by HC

Battle Creek, MI -- (June 4) -- The so-called "internet revolution" officially ended today with a tearful former president, Jeff Bezos, personally shutting off Amazon.com's last remaining Commodore-64 server.

"Apparently," said Bezos, "the tin-can telephone is able to give the consumer a better value proposition than we were. Apparently, the tin-can telephone has an even higher regard for its customers than we did."

The tin-can telephone, which is constructed by poking a hole in a couplea empty cans of Welch's frozen grape juice and connecting them with a long taut piece of string, had no comment when asked how it felt about being the current flavor-of-the-month technologic revolution.

Many analysts attribute the victory of tin-can telephone technology to its infinite scalability. "You wanna talk farther away, you make the damn string longer," proclaimed Joe Analyst, an analyst with Lufkin, Lufkin, Lufkin, Lufkin, Lufkin, Lufkin, and Genrette Analysts, a Washington stink tank.

Michael C. Armstrong, head of AT&T, said he will personally commit $500 billion dollars out of his own pocket to upgrade AT&T's cable infrastructure to handle the suddenly explosive consumer demand for tin-can telephony.

"By the end of next year," said Armstrong, "all our equipment will be 100% Tin-Can Transfer Protocol (TCTP) compliant."