Dot Com Shake-Out!!
New Cell Phone Comes With New Drug To Treat New Cell Phone Disease
NEW JERSEY - (Roto Rooter) - A new cell phone, announced today by, you know, some fucking cell phone company, apparently comes complete with a years supply of a new genetically-based drug discovered just yesterday, that may treat one of the many new diseases caused by using cell phones in the first place.
"Our new cell phone," said cell phone company president Joe Cellphonecompanypresident, "comes complete with a years supply of a new genetic drug that, like, can help control one of the main diseases which result from cell phone usage -- the disease of, you know, like, suddenly becoming, like, totally all dumb, an' shit."
According to the ATF and the FBI, who performed tests on their own employees, cell phone usage causes the disease of suddenly becoming, like, totally all dumb an' shit, to totally affect, like, 99.9999998% of all cell phone users, even if they are, already, like, totally all dumb, an' shit.
Though the new genetic drug does not completely cure the disease of, you know, like, suddenly becoming, like, totally all dumb an' shit, it has been found to be effective in causing at least, like, 3% of the people tested to not TOTALLY become, like, totally all dumb an' shit, but to only MOSTLY become, like, totally all dumb an' shit.
And the drug's side effects of constant nausea, vomiting, headaches, diarrhea, constipation, abdominal pain, joint pain, and inability to move, occur in only 99.999998% of average users.
The company that manufactures the new drug, whoever, also announced today that it would soon announce another new drug similar to the drug that makes you not totally contract the disease of, like, totally becoming, like, totally all dumb an' shit from using cell phones.
"Our new new drug," said drug company president Joe Drugcompanypresident, "is very similar to our new drug that makes you, like, not become, like, totally all dumb an' shit from using cell phones -- except our new new drug will make you, like, not become, like, totally all dumb an' shit from watching CBS "reality" programming."
[ PREVIOUS |
Copyright (c) 2000 by HC