Monday, June 29, 1998
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Historic Accord!!!
US-China Agree To Bomb The Fuck Out of Each Other

Beijing, CH - (June 29) - In a historic agreement struck in Beijing, over the weekend, between US President Bill Clinton and Chinese President Jiang Zemin, China and the US have agreed, in principle, to mutually bomb the living fuck out of each other.

The surprise announcement came last night during the question and answer period following a lackluster speech delivered by Clinton at Beijing University.

One of the students asked Clinton if, despite his massive power and ability to have absolutely anything he wants in the world, if there was still something he felt he'd missed.

"Yes," the US President answered, almost without hesitation. "I feel bad, very bad, about having missed, you know, the Stone Age. -- And that's why I've gotten together with your President, President Zemin, and agreed that, as soon as I get back home, both our great nations will, you know, just let it all fly, and bomb each other the fuck back to, you know, that glorious proverbial Stone Age. -- For KICKS."

Clinton then stepped away from the podium and kinda did some fairly accurate air guitar work, taken from the late 60's Paul Revere and the Raiders hit, "Kicks," accompanying himself, of course, with appropriate facial contortions and weird vocal grunts. Then the entire student body joined him for the chorus -- at the end of which Clinton breezed off stage, with a final arms waving, "We love you, China!!"

Though the sudden announcement came as a total surprise and shock to the rest of the leaders of the world, as well as members of the President's own cabinet and family, many observers in the press saw it as totally in keeping with the new relationship that's arisen between the two world leaders, Clinton and Zemin.

"It's an amazing friendship," noted one noted American journalist. "When those two guys, Clinton and Zemin, are together, suddenly they're like 2 little kids, always giggling or making farting sounds or punching each other in the arm."

And, according to eye witness reports, the two have been seen careening drunkenly around Beijing in their motorcade at all hours of the day and night, pulling "authentic" Chinese Fire Drills at every stop light and stop sign, laughing their asses off at the pissed motorists and bicyclists forced to wait in the middle of busy downtown traffic while they jog around the whole fucking motorcade, high fiving each other and laughing even harder each time, then jumping back in the limo and taking off, falling on the floor, laughing uncontrollably and screaming out the windows, 'HEY! WE'RE THE TWO MOST POWERFUL MEN IN THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD. WE CAN DO ANYTHING THE FUCK WE WANT!!!'" Then falling back inside giggling uncontrollably again, on the limo floor, leaving empty takeout cartons scattered all over town.

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