Friday, July 2, 1999

Another loser wins another lottery
Another loser somewhere has just won another lottery. Miss Jane Doe #7 of some small town where there isn't even a fucking drugstore Colorado said she will do her best to prove that once you're a loser, all the money in the world won't make a fuck of difference.

Multiple car crash injures no one
12 SUVs, 4 RVs and an '81 Honda hatchback slammed simultaneously into a bridge abutment on northbound 801 and sailed off an overpass into a stream of fast moving oil tankers 100 yards below, early this morning, yet....

Negative earthquake hits California; formerly broken things instantly fixed
An earthquake measuring minus 7 on the Richter scale hit Southern California at 6:03 AM this morning. It is believed to be the "equal and opposite reaction" to the Sylmar quake of February 1971, or whenever, as things that were formerly destroyed by the '71 quake, were suddenly, miraculously put back together again.

FDA orders all warning labels removed from all products
"Ehhh, fuck 'em," said FDA CEO, Rebecca Kramer, apparently just a little ticked at being cut off on I-5 southbound, early this morning.

Words don't have story
Words with no story behind them were uttered, early this morning, according to police. Words like: finger on the trigger, red Camaro, flown to a nearby hospital, drove into a house in the 700 block of Marcy avenue, brandished a weapon threateningly, bomb squad robot, nearby service street, Padres fever, alcohol is not believed to be a factor.

Barbecue Safety Tips:
Eat. Vomit. Repeat.

Brain Safety Tips:
Think. Vomit. Repeat.

    Toyota today unveiled a bold new line of cars called the Erecta, that come with two people already inside fucking.

Previews of the new Volkswagen "Foetal"

Them Damn Foreigners Keep On Bitching About Something or Other

Dodger Players Strike; Claim Team With Least Number of Runs Should Win


No such place as MIT

No such place as Harvard

No such thing as communication

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Copyright (c) 1999 by HC