Wednesday, July 15, 1998
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Market Is Just Exo-Soul

Cambridge, MA - (July 15) - Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technography, MIT, have discovered that the so-called "market" is, in reality, "simply the externalization of the human soul."

"Nuff said," said MIT president, Garth Register Jr., in a lengthy, rambling, incoherent article in this month's New England Journal of Medicine, in which he subtly hints at how we are all suffering guilt over living in a cosmos where the evolution of evolution itself, has, obviously, taken a very wrong turn.

"Nuff said, up the wazoo," President Register told the audience, even though the audience was away on vacation in another dimension or at least time zone, at the time.

The article goes on to say that Nuff said.

"This is a very important discovery," said Attorney-General Rebecca Kramer. "On a par with the discovery that jokes and Freudian slips are really just stock tips from the Unconscious, meant to be followed religiously."

The so-called "stock" market, however, was sent reeling on the news that it's nothing more than just part of some class that is merely the externalization of something that, in most cases, isn't even really there to fucking begin with -- if you know what I mean.

Economist Lawrence Kudchew, put it bluntly. "At night," he told the huddled masses gathered round their fires on the beach, "All animals blindly head north. If there's a window in the way, or a sea of empty wine bottles, plastic milk containers and half-rusted tin cans, they still won't stop, even if they ultimately lose a bodypart or die in the attempt."

Apparently, according to Kudchew, History is littered with the corpses of these insects.

Fortunately, Attorney-General Kramer has recently published an article which will appear in this month's Journal of the Union of Concerned Unions of Concerned Unions in which she calls it all "Just a buncha B-class incest ponzi stuff. I.e. the recursive theoretic application and re-application of limited resources, passed around endlessly within a small pseudo-kinship group, till all the individual members become so swollen in size on mostly air and lies, if you know what I mean, that they come to rule the world forever, or, at least, until the first accidental collision with a pin, at which point, unfortunately, they explode, spewing centuries of accrued emptiness and repressed fecal matter everywhere, in a sudden final big bang theory-style externalization of the human soul."

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