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Concert Ends In Silent Rampage
Hundreds of thousands of Woodstock concertgoers ended
this year's annual bogus capitalist testosterone
money-grubbing load of capitalist motherfucking bullshit
so-called "concert" by donning saffron robes and
silently rampaging through their own fucking minds and
souls and any other internal organ they could find,
overturning metaphorical automobiles and garbage cans
and smashing sub-atomic plate glass windows, ending up
still nowhere, but who's counting.
CNN debates too much coverage of over-coverage
over-coverage
According to CNN, CNN will hold a debate this evening
over whether there is too much coverage of the too much
discussion and debate over whether there's just too much
coverage of how like maybe there's just, like, a little
too much fucking coverage of when some pretty but
wrongly anointed human vessel of so-called "human hope"
for the vapid vapid vapid vapid vapid vapid vapid vapid
longings of the empty empty empty empty empty empty
empty empty human soul suddenly dies young in some
utterly stupid stupid Dan Quayle kinda way.
"Pro" Wrestling Embraces "Non" Violence!!!
Pro wrestling profits have been plummeting lately due to
everybody's suddenly growing some little, you know,
addendum to their brains that has made even the most
stupidest dumbest Dan Quayles among them suddenly bored
shitless with professional bored shitless wrestling no
matter who gets killed how many bored shitless Vince
McMahon asshole times. So, now, instead, big stupid
dumbass morons will enter the ring and very genteelly
play like bridge or scrabble or Mah Johng together or
something. Then, when it's over, politely shake hands
and go home and, off-camera, beat the living shit out of
each other's families, held captive in, like, a mock-up
of the Kon-Tiki in their basement lab, next to a
mysterious, long un-opened Fed-Ex package from Tahiti.
Auction site: auction thyself
Amazon.com announced today that it was expanding its
specialized auction site for old used up tchotchkas and
old washed up human natures into an auction site for old
washed up businesses as well, so that it could now
auction itself off to itself on itself and then just
keep selling and buying itself on itself to and from itself
over and over
and over again, so it no longer needs no more a them
steenking dumbass loser customers out there no more.
Animals outline new business model
In the face of slumping profits, animals have decided to
reinvent themselves and their niche in the organic
continuum and to bet the store on a whole new business
model that puts the customer first, the way Jeff Bezos
used to, before he realized what a pile of shit it all
is.
Answers to last week's "Match the Browser with the
search term" quiz (taken from actual user logs):
| Browser
| Search Term
|
| tcs-gateway11.treas.gov | Hillary's+blow+jobs
|
| Christchurch.netaccess.net.nz
| girls+being+fucked+by+dogs |
|
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An angry mob of teenagers and college students rioted
late Sunday night when they learned that the Republican
House tax cut proposal didn't include lowering the
draconian MTV-watching tax. The students burned down
whole cities and whole states and whole nations and
whole continents and whole planets and whole solar
systems and whole galaxies and whole universes as well
as all the multiple false-start universes of which one
day soon, surprise!!, this will turn out to be one too.
ALCOHOL
Vodka Found On the Sun
WORLD NEWS
World all wrong, study finds
COMPUTING
Now!! A Turing Test for the Soul
HEALTH
Being a money-grubbing capitalist shithole found to
cause cancer in laboratory rats
BASEBALL/CRIME
Murdoch Found Bludgeoned to Death with Bats and Balls
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