It's 3:41 AM, Pacific Time.  I'm stoned and hungry.
Buy my fuckin' book!! The Washington Pissed
Monday, Aug 2, 1999

First Lady Finally "Opens Up;" Totally Spills Deeply Disgusting Presidential Secrets
In an article appearing in this Tuesday's Journal of the American Acoustical Society Of America, first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton, finally opens up and spills all the deeply disgusting secret "weaknesses" of her husband, the President, revealing for the first time anywhere that he is a deeply flawed man with some slight hearing loss in his right ear in the 6-7 KHz range. "He is about 2 decibels short of a combination plate," she told the magazine.

The Journal Of The American Acoustical Society Of America is apparently a new magazine premiering Tuesday and edited by Tina Brown or somebody, who apparently used to edit the so-called New Yorker Magazine until she accidentally discovered, one day, that it was named after a town that smells like piss and not making it any less so.

Washington Pissed BestSellers List


1. HOW TO HAVE A #1 BEST-SELLING BOOK by Tom Brokaw, Suman and Shyster, $35.95
2. HOW TO HAVE A #2 BEST-SELLING BOOK by Peter Jennings, Scribblers, $35.95
3. HOW TO LOSE 30 LBS AND WRITE A #3 BESTSELLING BOOK ABOUT IT by Dan Rather, Johnny Walker Books, $39.95
4. HOW TO HAVE A #4 BEST-SELLING BOOK BY SAYING YOU'RE, LIKE, STEVEN KING OR SOMEBODY by Steven King or Somebody, Random House Shmandom House, $34.95
5. WHO TO BLOW TO HAVE A #5 BEST-SELLING BOOK by Some CNN Anchor Or Other, Tom Collins Books, $31.95


1. HOW TO HAVE A #10 BEST-SELLING BOOK by Tom Brokaw's Anti-Matter Self, Shyster and Shyster, $36.95
2. HOW TO HAVE A #9 BEST-SELLING BOOK by Peter Jennings' Anti-Strange-Quark Self, Bloody Mary Communications, $35.95
3. HOW TO HAVE A BESTSELLING BOOK WITHOUT BLOWING ANYBODY by Dan Rather's Anti-Neutrino Self, Books-as-Tchotchkas Books, $33.95
4. HOW TO WRITE FICTION BY JUST REWRITING BADLY SOME SO-CALLED "NON-FICTION" by Garth Register Jr, Publisher's Clearing House Publishers, $35.95
5. HOW TO WRITE A BEST-SELLING BOOK THAT ISN'T A HOW-TO BOOK by Clancy Grisham, Lab Alcohol Books, $35.95

Some picture of something that somehow seems to go with the text below,
though sometimes the connection is so counter-cosmic that only Barry Diller
gets it
In an effort to do whatever the coolest thing in popular culture is right now, many business leaders and celebrities have formed the Save the Paper Billionaires Foundation, which is raising money so in case the market crashes and Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates are suddenly worth nothing, it'll be ready to intervene to give them a place to sleep and 2 meals a day plus snack.

Global sucking more real than global warming

New service promises to keep those damn service people away

Tina Brown starts magazine

Tina Brown starts magazine

Tina Brown starts magazine

New Tina Brown magazine sports bold new cover

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Another opportunity to help salvage my fragile ego by buying my fucking book.  Thank you.

Copyright (c) 1999 by HC