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First Lady Finally "Opens Up;" Totally Spills Deeply
Disgusting Presidential Secrets
In an article appearing in this Tuesday's Journal of
the American Acoustical Society Of America, first
lady Hillary Rodham Clinton, finally opens up and spills
all the deeply disgusting secret "weaknesses" of her
husband, the President, revealing for the first time
anywhere that he is a deeply flawed man with some slight
hearing loss in his right ear in the 6-7 KHz range. "He
is about 2 decibels short of a combination plate," she
told the magazine.
The Journal Of
The American Acoustical Society Of America is
apparently a new magazine premiering Tuesday and edited
by Tina Brown or somebody, who apparently used to edit
the so-called New Yorker Magazine until she
accidentally discovered, one day, that it was named
after a town that smells like piss and not making it any
less so.
Washington Pissed BestSellers List
NON-FICTION
1. HOW TO HAVE A #1 BEST-SELLING BOOK by Tom
Brokaw, Suman and Shyster, $35.95
2. HOW TO HAVE A #2 BEST-SELLING BOOK by
Peter Jennings, Scribblers, $35.95
3. HOW TO LOSE 30 LBS AND WRITE A #3 BESTSELLING BOOK
ABOUT IT by Dan Rather, Johnny Walker Books,
$39.95
4. HOW TO HAVE A #4 BEST-SELLING BOOK BY SAYING
YOU'RE, LIKE, STEVEN KING OR SOMEBODY by Steven
King or Somebody, Random House Shmandom House,
$34.95
5. WHO TO BLOW TO HAVE A #5 BEST-SELLING BOOK by
Some CNN Anchor Or Other, Tom Collins Books,
$31.95
FICTION
1. HOW TO HAVE A #10 BEST-SELLING BOOK by Tom
Brokaw's Anti-Matter Self, Shyster and Shyster,
$36.95
2. HOW TO HAVE A #9 BEST-SELLING BOOK by
Peter Jennings' Anti-Strange-Quark Self, Bloody
Mary Communications, $35.95
3. HOW TO HAVE A BESTSELLING BOOK WITHOUT BLOWING
ANYBODY by Dan Rather's Anti-Neutrino Self,
Books-as-Tchotchkas Books, $33.95
4. HOW TO WRITE FICTION BY JUST REWRITING BADLY SOME
SO-CALLED "NON-FICTION" by Garth Register Jr,
Publisher's Clearing House Publishers, $35.95
5. HOW TO WRITE A BEST-SELLING BOOK THAT ISN'T A
HOW-TO BOOK by Clancy Grisham, Lab Alcohol
Books, $35.95
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In an effort to do whatever the coolest thing in popular
culture is right now, many business leaders and
celebrities have formed the Save the Paper Billionaires
Foundation, which is raising money so in case the market
crashes and Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates are suddenly worth
nothing, it'll be ready to intervene to give them a
place to sleep and 2 meals a day plus snack.
ENVIRONMENT
Global sucking more real than global
warming
BUSINESS
New service promises to keep those damn service people away
MAGAZINES
Tina Brown starts magazine
TINA BROWN
Tina Brown starts magazine
STARTINGS
Tina Brown starts magazine
SPORTS
New Tina Brown magazine sports bold new cover
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