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Wednesday, Aug 11, 1999
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Bush Wants to Be Your
"Fuck" President

Though he has never actually used the word himself, Republican President George W. Bush told reporters today that he will now start making frequent use of the famous four-letter word "fuck" in his speeches and press conferences and when kissing babies.

"Though I don't personally use the word 'fuck' myself," said Bush, "I think it's important that this final taboo be broken and that the straight-arrow American people out there who get up every day and put on their pants one leg at a time and then have, like, Cheerios for breakfast before heading off to work in their Toyota Corollas, now be allowed to use the word 'fuck' whenever the fuck they want."

Bush stated that if re-elected to a third term he would do the same for the word "bunghole."

Bush Accuses Buchanan of Hacking Server
Coked-out, trash-talkin' good ole frat-boy Republican President George W. Bush today accused righteous nazi-populist and former presidential butt-boy, Patrick J. Buchanan of, like, hacking his server.

"That sick fuck Buchanan has hacked my fucking server," said Bush, who noted that he personally never uses the word "fuck" himself and was just doing so now as a service to help free the struggling straight-arrow American people out there who get up each day and put on their shirts one arm at a time and then have, like, a donut for breakfast before getting into their 1983 Honda Civics and going out and collaring people on the street and holding them down while they hum the complete condensed history of music at them from, like, Inna Gadda da Vida to, like, Einsturzende Neubauten.

Though Buchanan totally denied hacking Bush's server, he made no comment to accusations of hacking Lamar Alexander's cookie file.

Bush Just a Regular Guy
"Though I am personally just a regular straight-arrow kinda guy who gets up each morning and puts on his nose ring one nostril at a time and then has cold spaghetti for breakfast before driving off to work in my Dodge Bullet," said Republican President George W. Bush, "I, uhhh, something ...

Bush Wants to Be the Ethnic Slur President
"Though I personally don't make ceaseless ethnic slurs myself," said Republican President George W. Bush...

Bush Will Stop Making Jokes About Born-Again Christians Getting Fried
Though he has, personally, never made slimy jokes about born-again Christians frying in the electric chair, 6-term Republican President George W. Bush said today that he would stop making slimy jokes about born-again Christians frying like bacon in the electric chair, anyway, in order to help the average straight-arrow American people out there who get up every day and don't put on any clothes, don't eat breakfast, don't own a Toyota, and don't go to some job where people are home-fried in desktop electric chairs.

   
Some picture of something that somehow seems to go with the text  below, though sometimes the connection is so counter-cosmic that only Barry  Diller gets it
"Fuck this sayin' how like I wanna be like the education president bullshit or whatever," said President George W. Bush. "What I wanna be is the it's cool to say fuck all you want president," Bush stated.

POLITICS
Bush totally faithful to wife this week

BUSINESS
Business still, apparently, "None of your fucking business," businessman states

RECREATION
Bush legalizes shooting up passing road signs while doing 75 or better

HEALTH
Massive regular cocaine use decreases risk of being faithful to your dumb ole wife, Bush study finds

THE MEDIA
X's New Yorker piece about Y's Esquire piece about Z's Time piece about A, roundly criticized by B




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Another opportunity to help salvage my fragile ego by buying my fucking book.  Thank you.
 


Copyright (c) 1999 by HC