Thursday, August 14, 1997
Please boycott (and/or smash!) our loyal anti-sponsors:

Auto-Fellatio for the Soul

Pale Alto, CA - (Aug 14) - Tribes of primitive hi-tech burnouts, living in the hills on small rodents, dandelion leaves and handheld global positioning devices, have apparently written a trilogy of spiritual self-realization novels to be published, a page at time, in the night sky, by means of a nano-thin layer of atmosphere electrically charged to reconfigure star and moon light into words, when viewed from the ground.

According to a story on CNN and in Newsweek, The Wall Street Journal, Newsday, US News and World Report, Time, Vanity Fair, The New Yorker, The Washington Post, and The New York Times, the Trilogy consists of 3 books.

According to a Hustler centerfold, the 3 books are: "The Language of Cats," "Reincarnation for the Hell of It," and "How to Blow Yourself."

Recently we spoke with a spokesperson for the authors of the trilogy.

The Washington Pissed: So, like, what's this, uh, trilogy thing, or whatever?

Trilogy Spokesperson: OK, so the first book in the trilogy, "The Language of Cats," is about how we travel to the Himalayas to find the ancient shamans or whatever, who hold the key to understanding the real meaning behind all those fucking noises that cats make. And, despite our promises to the shamans not to do so, we completely reveal all the mysteries and hidden secrets which, once known by the masses, will unavoidably touch off an inter-species war.

In "Reincarnation for the Hell of It," we expose the well-kept secret of "Early Reincarnation" which is a lot like "Early Decision" in the college application world. It turns out, if you apply for it and are accepted, you can be reincarnated long before your actual body dies. This explains why there are so many robots and zombies in the world -- their souls have already departed to their next lives, while the body remains behind, running on a kind of cognitive auto-pilot.

"How to Blow Yourself," is pretty much the answer to the fundamental problem of civilization. We travel to the Himalayas to find the ancient shamans or whatever who hold the key to the esoteric practise of blowing the self. And despite our promises to them not to do so, we immediately take what we learn and spread it out to the whole world so everyone can blow themselves and mankind will be saved!!!!

TWP: Uh, so, like, what kind of chair would you suggest people sit in if they are writing a trilogy?

[ PREVIOUS  |   ARCHIVES   |   C3F ]

Copyright (c) 1997 by C3F