It's 3AM and there's too much noise The Washington Pissed
Friday, Aug 20, 1999

Genome Project Found Dead
MIT, today, moved man a quark closer to the cosmos. "This quark," said MIT CEO, Rebecca Kramer, "will very subtly change the sick molecule that makes myth make emotion make you just wanna puke."

Kramer, who was living out of her car as she spoke, and doing a couplea 45 minutes sets at 3rd tier clubs 1 or 2 nights a week just to be able to afford 2 meals a day of Twinkies, burritos and coffee, told the angry mob that the subtly changed molecule would make "painless pain" a reality, in the same way that condoms on shotguns had, long ago, failed to make "safe violence" a reality.

The angry mob had been collecting in the plaza throughout the week in response to Kramer's article in "My First Journal of Neuro-pathology" which had implied that not being such a fucking dickhead all the time, was all that separated any species from not being such a fucking dickhead at all.

Eventually, though, everybody in the crowd either nodded out or OD'd on Kramer's driving round and round in circles through them as she spoke, never quite hitting anyone, but close enough so that if they hadn't been so fucking stoned on whatever dumbass concept they were there to defend, they would have immediately jumped out of the way and the riot troops would have moved in because they were all hopped up on, like, mercury switches and, like, on the technology of outdoor motion detectors that turn on a floodlight at the first sign of movement in the dark.

"I don't want to send a signal to children that what I may have done is OK," Kramer told them, once they couldn't hear.

Unfortunately all the clubs where she played were shut down by police for youthful indiscretion and she was forced to go back to work as editor-in-chief of the food product warning label: "warning: this food product may contain a frog eyelash, or two."

Or else, unfortunately they caught her breaking into her office at MIT which wasn't really hers, she just lived there when its legal occupant was home eating silverfish anuses. Or goldfish anuses. Whichever.

"I don't want to send a signal to children that what I may have done is OK," Kramer told police.

She was promptly convicted and sentenced to a life term of endlessly editing and re-editing the food product warning label: "warning: this product may contain a frog eyelash or limbic system. Whichever."

Or else, unfortunately, she won the Nobel Peach Prize for Inciting to Riot Under a Condom, and went on to teach at a university dedicated to coming up with product warning labels that one day could replace currently bogus and shallow and immature warning labels like "warning, this food product may contain messenger RNA with the following message: 'warning this messenger RNA may contain the gene for being unable to tell the police "I don't want to send a signal to children that what I may have done is OK."' And then where will civilization be?"

Some picture of something that somehow seems to go with the text  below, though sometimes the connection is so counter-cosmic that only Barry  Diller gets it
"I'm sorry," he said, "I don't really mean this. It's just the neuro-transmitters talkin'."

World takes end philosophically

Philosophy takes psychology philosophically

Sociologists bitter over being just a footnote to "Weekend at Bernie's"

9-piece Bush coke spoon set brings $10K at Ebay

Pepsi hires Bush for new "no coke for 25 years" campaign

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Another opportunity to help salvage my fragile ego by buying my fucking book.  Thank you.

Copyright (c) 1999 by HC