Thursday, August 21, 1997
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Antidisestablishmentarianism for the Soul

Natick, MA- (Aug 21) - At a gathering of English and American Lit scholars, it was revealed, today, that the body and the world are just a cocoon -- a hothouse where a soul is only fully born when the world explodes and the body dies.

The scholars had gathered together here, in Natick, Mass., to celebrate the 75th anniversary of the American literary classic, "The Great Gasbag," by either Joan of Art, or the Spite Girls.

Uh excuse me sir. Sir. Uh, Sir


Could I ask you a few questions about the convention?


I was wondering -- ehhh, never mind.

Wait. I was wondering, is life just an inert pod that houses a soul -- or does life have some effect on the soul that pops out when the world ends?

I'm sorry. I'm here for "the Great Gasbag." You'll have to speak to my supervisor.

Uhh, Supervisor Register?

Yes, but I'm sorry. Language will have to evolve a little more before I can say anything that'll mean anything new to you. If you know what I mean.

But then what?


After the soul arrives and the world is gone. Then what?

Apparently the Vatican has Christ's DNA in, you know, the popular "Bible Code" format, and has put together a crack team of crack-addled molecular bio types to re-synthesize the Savior from scratch.

Everything will depend on who destroys the world first. Nature's woken up and is starting to move. Already it can work around all medicine, and if some mutant virus doesn't destroy the world, or some outer space comet the size of Texas doesn't do it, then alien angels will send their own perfect virus on a homemade comet the size of a pin prick.

Either way, the sum of civilization, in the end, won't be much more than somebody standing there wondering if it would've been better to have just gotten laid rather than to have gotten just so laden down.

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