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21 So-Called "Ideas" For The So-Called "21st Century"
In case there's ever actually a so-called "21st
century," you probably better have 21 so-called "ideas"
for it. So here are 21 so-called "ideas" for the
so-called "21st century":
1. Compression
Things will get, like, all compressed an'
shit.
2. Depression
Things will get, like, all depressed an'
shit.
3. Nanotechnology
Things will get, like, all
nanotechnologic an' shit.
4. Top 10 Party Schools
1. MIT
2. 90 schools tied
for number 2
5. 170
"ideas" tied for number 5
Oliver Stone Agrees To Stop Making Shitty, Ham-Fisted
Oliver Stone Films
Hollywood film director Oliver Stone agreed Tuesday to
stop making shitty ham-fisted simplistic moronic Oliver
Stone type films as part of a plea bargain with
prosecutors over his arrest in June on drug and alcohol
charges.
Clinton Admits Never Ever Ever Using Coke
Some guy named Clinton who was apparently President of
the United States before Republican President George W.
Bush was, admitted today that he never ever ever snorted
coke in his life. He was promptly killed on the spot
for being just toooooooooo unhip to even claim to
have ever been President. His name will be expunged
from History, if, in fact, it can even be found there at
all.
Bush Hasn't Done Glue In 30 Years, Hasn't Done PCP In 26
President Bush today, marked the end of his 3rd year in
office by declaring that he hadn't done glue in 30 years
and hadn't done PCP in 26 years. He stated that his
agenda for the next year included gradually announcing
how he, like, hadn't done psilocybin in 33 years.
Bush Claims He Can Pass So-Called "Turing Test"
Bush claimed today that he can past the so-called
"Turing test." The so-called "Turing test," a test
which used to be used to test how much more intelligent
a machine was than a human, has been upgraded to test
whether a President has manufactured crystal meth in the
oval office with his pants off in the past 3 years or
not.
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By the 2030s, technology may have accidentally cancelled
itself out by wrapping around the other side of
possibility, according to a study just completed by the
Your Institute Name Here Foundation.
LAW ENFORCEMENT
LA bans in utero gun sales
FINANCE
Fed hikes rate
TECHNOLOGY
Broadband officially over
BALANCE
Whoops!
COGNITION
Dreaming apparently just instantiating archetypal situations with the
neurochemical mean of compressed accumulated personal data
ENVIRONMENT
Non-stop 8.0 world earthquake begins today
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