New Amazon "Circle Jerk" Feature Raises Privacy Concerns, Ire,
In response to angry customer outcries over privacy
violation, online e-tailer, Amazon.com, today, called
its shift in business model from e-commerce to
e-rection, "just good clean fun"...
Unknown Wins Nobel Piece Prize, But Unclear
"Piece of What?"
A total unknown whose name we won't even bother telling
you because he's totally unknown so you obviously
wouldn't know who the fuck he is anyway, so what good
would it do if we told you his name, has apparently just
been awarded the coveted Nobel Piece Prize. Apparently,
however, at press time, it was still undetermined as to
just exactly "piece" of what?
Parody Officially Ends As Everything Is Apparently
Already Parody Of Itself
The last thing that wasn't already a parody of itself,
finally succumbed and became a parody of itself early
this morning, ending any further possibility of parody
itself. The name of the last thing that wasn't a
parody of itself until this morning is being withheld
pending notification of a parody of its next of kin.
Just Did It To Get On CNN, Mass Murderer Claims
The latest in a series of mass murderers claiming to
have done it simply to get on CNN, has just increased
the number of mass murderers who claim they just did it
to get on CNN, by 1.
Just Did It To Get On NBC, CNN Claims
CNN today claimed they just let all those damn mass
murderers on all their damn shows just so they'd get
mentioned by Walter Kronkite or whoever that damn guy is
Just Did It To Get In The New York Times, NBC
Just Did It To Get On MTV, New York Times Claims
The so-called "New York" Times today...
Just Did It To Get Laid, MTV Claims
So-called "Wired-speak circa '96" was today declared the
winner of the What's the Official Language of the United
States Gonna Be Contest, with English 2nd, Pig Latin
3rd, and English as a 2nd Language 4th. -- Phrases like
"Synaptic Shuffleboard," "Limbic Luge," and "Testicular
Tennis," will now be de rigeur, as will phrases
like "de rigeur"...
GM announces new "penis" car
Colt announces new "penis" gun
Bic announces new "penis" pen
Farmer John announces new "penis" dog
Microsoft unveils new "penis" operating system