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Friday, Sept 3, 1999

Discovery of New Testament Typo Leaves Formerly Righteous Suddenly Doomed!!
Hundreds of millions of people who went to sleep last night thinking they were saints, woke up this morning to learn their lives were steeped in virulent sin. -- And vice versa.

A discovery made by biblical scholars at the University of Haifa in, you know, Haifa, and verified by the World Board of Biblical Scholars late last night, confirms that one of the conceptual pillars of Western morality has been completely misunderstood for centuries due to a blatant typo in the New Testament.

Former criminals who were now suddenly saints, have promptly arrested themselves for their past crimes, and former saints who were now criminals, were promptly elected to positions of power and authority based on their former lives of purity, and their ability to now be total, absolute slimeballs.

Major Shakespeare Typo Discovered; "To Be Or Not To Be" Apparently No Longer "the Question"
A typo discovered in the works of famous over-rated English playwright, William Shakespeare, has cast into serious doubt the time-honored assumption that "to be or not to be," is actually, you know, "the question."

Existence of the typo was disclosed today by steam blaster William Shakesberg of Swampscott Mass. who apparently is the actual author of the works falsely attributed to Shakespeare by an over-zealous entertainment press.

Death Be Not Enough for WWF Fans
Loyal fans of the World Wrestling Federation's "sports entertainment" shows, are apparently growing bored with utility tables and folding chairs broken over heads and faces slammed to a bloody pulp till somebody dies.

"(Yawn), what's on C-SPAN?" said a former wrestling fan, neatly summing up the sentiment of the millions of other former wrestling fans who have left the WWF in droves to watch round-the-clock round-table discussions of Canadian parliamentary rules of order, instead.

According to the Wal-Mart Street Journal, however, WWF CEO, Vince McMahon, isn't taking this drastic loss of market share lying down and, apparently, is in India right now, meeting with various Yogis and other spiritual practitioners, looking for highly telegenic meditational techniques that 2 porkers in a ring can use to head-butt each other to places far beyond plain old death.

Some picture of something that somehow seems to go with the text  below, though sometimes the connection is so counter-cosmic that only Barry  Diller gets it
A computer virus transmitted by the internet has apparently erased all drives on all machines at Microsoft's home office in Redmond, Washington and erased all Microsoft products from all machines all over the world. Apparently the virus has also transparently replaced Windows with a decent operating system, replaced Word with a decent word processor, and replaced Excel with a decent spreadsheet. In a related story, the sun was shining and the birds were singing. And
the leaves

Discovery of typo in Mein Kampf totally reverses historical assessment of Hitler

Discovery of typo in Twinkies ingredients list totally reverses neurological fate of billions

Rare Saturday earthquake wipes out LA

Corrected typo in Bill of Rights imposes fee for speech

Typo discovered in Finnegans' Wake is actually sequel: Finnegan Wakes Up

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Copyright (c) 1999 by HC