Monday, September 8, 1997
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Paparazzi Vow to
Back the Fuck Off

Under pressure from the righteous moral creem of the cosmos, the Union of Concerned Paparazzi, today, pledged that its membership would immediately back the fuck off from shooting pictures of celebrities and other forms of famous people.

"Effective immediately," said Garth Register Jr., the Union's President, "We will royally, as it were, be backing the fuck off from hounding and shooting pictures of your creepy celebs and loser pop stars."

Calling for a revolution in the art and practice of photography, and a revolution in the act of perception itself, Register urged the people of the world to join the Paparazzi in a whole new way of seeing photographs and images.

"We call it, 'Interactive Photography,'" said Register, "Cause this new breed of photograph will now demand the active participation of the viewer, as much or more than the active participation of the actual Paparazzi photographer who took it, or the editor of the slimy tabloid it's printed in."

According to Register, the new breed of socially-concerned, public-spirited Paparazzi will basically stay at home and shoot pictures of their ceilings, walls, and floors. Sometimes, they'll even take the lens cap off. Or go outside and throw the camera up in the air while it auto-shoots a roll, or drop it out a window. Or toss it in a bathtub full of colored water.

Newspapers all over the world, on- and off- line and base, have been quick to follow the lead of the Paparazzi Union, and have already ended the practice of using pictures of people, places, or concrete objects.

"The news is all about suspension of disbelief anyway," said Kirk Vomit Jr., Speed-Speech Training editor for the Austin Lobe. "And what's another layer or genre of delusion or lies, anyway, given, you know, the current levels of such stuff."

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