Wednesday, September 10, 1997
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Bot Implicates Reality

Truth-or-Cruces, NM - (Sept 10) - According to a journal abstract in the Meta-Journal Digest of the Abstract of Journal Meta-Digests, life, and other forms, have been successfully virtual-realitied into perpetual entertainment, in the laboratory.

The Journal Digest abstract, written by Dr. Rebecca Kramer of The Logie That Contained a Fetus Institute, in Las Cruces-or-Consequences, New Mexico, states that, by placing 100,000 Divx DVD units in the 100 mile circumferenced circular donut left under Texas after the Superconducting Supercollider project was abandoned, it was possible to achieve the non-stop entertainment of 8 laboratory rats and 6 anthropometric dummies for durations spanning several human days, when adjusted for rat/dummy time.

"The rats and dummies are placed in either Peugeots or Citroens which have been specially built entirely out of Pentium IIs," Ms Kramer states. "The tires and steering wheels are Pentiums IIs. The doors and windows are Pentium IIs. The gas tank is Pentium IIs and the gas is finely crushed Pentium Pros."

According to the abstract, the Peugeots and Citroens are kept moving around the insides of the underground circular donut by magnetic fields so they come under the influence of a new DVD unit every 2.81 milliseconds.

Apparently, each DVD unit is synched to the time zones of different solar systems in different galaxies, and plays an abstraction of the kind of entertainment that solar system would wanna have if, in fact, that solar system could wanna have any kind of entertainment at all.

Extension of the system from rats and dummies to humans is inhibited at the present time, only by the absence of universal standards. Apparently someone is claiming that the RDF standard for DVDs would be largely based on the MCF standard for Divx for DVD, but the W3C doesn't give a, you know, flying fuck about AMD's DVD meta-standard, but only gives a, you know, flying fuck about whether XTML, an extension of HTML, can incorporate PICS and become the basis of something which may or may not be RDF.

When asked in a recent interview, "Yeah, but, like, why fucking bother??" Ms Kramer responded that she thought it was "possibly better to just close your eyes and roll the paradigm dice than to eye your clothes and be rolled for the paradise dime."

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