Miss Communications Crowned Miss America 2000
ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. (Sept 20) - A 24-year-old Xtreme freight-train racer and student at Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame University became the first actual woman to be crowned Miss America, Saturday, vowing to spend her year-long reign helping people who don't know that life is just the placebo effect writ large and in reverse.
Miss Communications, Rebecca Sunnybrook, the daughter of the inventor of plowing through a bridge abutment doin' 90, exuded a set of complex and difficult-to-characterize emotions, as late 20th-century capitalism showered her with its most profound rewards: flashing lights, confetti, and 24-karat golden logies hocked from the catwalk by the inventors of antenna balls, swizzle sticks, and the popular "high school hairpiece."
Although she was obviously "tripping" on the powerful hallucinogenic drug, LSD-25, at the time, Sunnybrook was all totally down with the real world an' all as she said all she wants to do is inform people, before it's too late, that life is just the placebo effect writ large and in reverse.
"It is getting late," she told host Bert Parks or Whoopi Goldberg or whoever, "and if people don't start to learn now that life is just the placebo effect writ large and in reverse, then, one day soon, someone's gonna come along and say 'HEY!!! LIFE IS JUST THE PLACEBO EFFECT WRIT LARGE, AND IN REVERSE!!! YUH BUNCHA DUMBASSES!!' And then where will civilization be?"
A spokesman for CNN, on assignment in the audience at the time, was rumored to have muttered, "Indeed!" Though, at press time, these rumors could not be confirmed.
Footnote: for those of you interested in further discussion of the concept of the placebo effect writ large and in reverse, see the out-of-print, unavailable 1928 monograph by Werner Heisenberg, "The Placebo Effect Writ Large and In Reverse" or the 1998 "novel" by HC, "MFU."
Miss Communications, Rebecca Sunnybrook, was obviously "tripping" on the powerful hallucinogenic drug LSD-25, as she was crowned Miss Stoned Out America 2000, or "Miss American 2000," for short.
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