Wednesday, September 23, 1998
Please boycott (and/or smash!) our loyal anti-sponsors:

Buffalo 155, Green Bay 99,
In Overtime

Green Bay, WI -- (Sept 23) -- There's a growing movement among reincarnate wannabes to not just be thrown, willy-nilly, into whatever latest, greatest cosmos was just generated yesterday by this week's Sudden Infinitesimal Disparity In Symmetric Nothingness Of-The-Month.

"First," said a spokesman for the Union of Concerned Souls Standing In Line Waiting To Be Reincarnated, "we want 'One Man, One Cosmos,' where every soul gets its own fucking universe, instead of being packed in like sardines with hundreds of other messed-up souls in a single crappy universe where the highest achievement of all information matter and life is just to re-affirm, again and again, how fucking well sex sells."

According to the spokesman, in the new 'One Man, One Cosmos' cosmos, the history of the world will simply be whatever fills in the blanks, homeostatically, between you and eternal 2-dimensional nothing.

Analyst Tells Judge Something

A consumer applications analyst at Microsoft told a federal judge last week, "Hey, whatever happened to the 90's? Does anybody remember the fuckin' 90's? What was that show all about??"

Senate Chair Offers Alternative Course

Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman, Rebecca Kramer, said that if time is just entropy's scorecard, then, like, why not just

Group of High Tech Companies Includes Microsoft

A group of high tech companies, including Microsoft, Intel, Apple, IBM, Compaq,, Yahoo, AMD, and Vrmmmm, have just released a new book about the meaning of the movement, in time and space, of all life, information and matter. The book, so far, is only available as a microdot which is easily lost in the loop of a fingerprint.

Ooooo Chip Chip Chip

Compaq's tandem division has developed a single chip that combines functions normally found in the human kidney, liver, and intestines, promising lower prices for the modem boxes that currently provide Internet digestive services to all 500 world-wide digital cable service subscribers.

According to Nyquist and Armquist, the total number of US digital cable service subscribers will exceed 258 million by 2005, with a 55% increase per year after that for far past the end of all foreseeable futures. Amen.

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