Please help my poor starving unemployed publisher. 
Click here.  Thank you. The Washington Pissed
Wednesday, Sept 29, 1999

CIA-Mafia-Moonie Logo Found At Core of Distant Nebula
PASADENA, CA - (Sep 29) - The Crap Nebula apparently isn't called the Crap Nebula for nothing, according to Astrologers at NASA's Joan Jett Compulsion Laboratories in Pasadena.

"For one thing," NASA CEO Joe Administration told a stunned room of reporters, "the Crap Nebula has just passed the Turing Test by just talkin', ya know, a lotta crap."

"But crap," Administration added, "that only a certified Turing Test passer could have talked."

The Crap Nebula is the remains of spectacular exploding telescopes launched into space purely for decorative purposes, decades ago, by our foundling fathers in their perverse naiveté.

The explosions are best witnessed through a smoked photoshop lens, so that microscopic artifacts that don't exist, can be overblown into vast pulsating rings that don't exist.

Bush-Quayle, who had first discovered this along with CO2 on K2 in 1492 despite Catch-22 and Weekend at Bernie's 2, had been hired to discover this by CIA-Moonie narco-traffickers because too many orbiting observatories had seemed to block out the sun for them.

"We will negate the negative credibility of all this nebulous crap," said Bush-Quayle in a statement, "by negating even harder the credibility of everything else."

This approach had first been perfected by Barry or Phyllis Diller in 1492 while they were figuring out the unified field theory of time and space. Since everybody else had already figured out the unified field theory of time and space, the winner of the Nobel Prize for Unified Field Theories of Time and Space, would be whoever could convey it with just the subtle 3-dimensional re-orientations of a pubic hair in time, plotted against the least movement of a fraction of an eyeball.

But apparently the Nobel Prize has been called off this year because the "Choose Reality -- Please" caravan had come to an ignominious halt in the desert and couldn't make it in time. And what was a Nobel Prize for Unified Field Theories of Time and Space ceremony, without the participation of the latest flavor "Choose Reality -- Please!!" caravan of-the-month?

The caravan had originated in 1492 when, just when everybody was fed up with celebrities, somebody suddenly came up with a use for them.

This use was the famous "Choose Reality -- Please!!!" caravans which travelled around from nebula to nebula, acting all nebulous. At this time, in 1492, many people were NOT choosing reality. So if reality was to survive, it was important for people to form huge caravans of celebrities who went around and, because celebrities are the only people that people believe, especially when it's themselves, said, Hey people -- Please ... PLEASE .... PUHLEEZE ...... Choose reality. Otherwise ... dot dot dot ..."

Human Genome Workers Can't Go On! Genetic Code Just Too Fucking Trite
Workers on the human genome project walked off the job in disgust today. "CGGTGGAAGCCCCAACAT!!" their spokesman complained bitterly. "GCAGCCTAGA AAGAAAGTCCCCCC your damn ass!!!"

Some picture of something that somehow seems to go with the text  below, though sometimes the connection is so counter-cosmic that only Barry  Diller gets it
The CIA-Mafia-Moonie logo, which consists of a twisted Netscape Navigator logo, was recently spotted at the heart of the so-called "Crap" Nebula, so-called because it is famous for passing the Turing Test by just talkin' a lotta crap.

[ PREVIOUS  |   ARCHIVES   |   C3F ]

Another opportunity to help my poor starving unemployed publisher.

Copyright (c) 1999 by HC