Monday, October 6, 1997
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White Guys Can't Preach

Wash, DC - (Oct 6) - Those wacky Promise Keeper guys were at it again, Saturday, holding a big rally at the Washington, DC Mall, or someplace. Apparently, a crowd of about 700,000 beer bellies wearing baseball caps attended.

According to Promise Keeper president, Paul McCartney, or somebody, "What the Promise Keepers are promising to keep is IT in their pants. If you know what I mean."

During the rally, a string of failed radio talk show hosts, mostly from places like Anaheim School of Preaching and El Cerrito State Preachers College, stepped to the podium, one at a time, and tried to sound like, you know, preachers.

As they spoke, the 700,000 Promise Keepers in attendance raised their arms to the sky and shut their eyes, in demonstration, apparently, of their total submission to the will of the Mir space station or the Space Shuttle.

Meanwhile, a team of 6 year-old girls from NOW slipped quietly through the crowd, lifting wallets, undoing belts, and tying shoelaces together.

At the end of the rally, the 700,000 now-penniless white guys with their pants around their ankles, took their arms out of the clouds and fell on their faces (or beer bellies, whichever came first), in a display of brotherly love or something.

"Most of us," said one attendee, when asked why he was there, "Have spent our lives having fun raping and fucking over women, but now, in our later years, when we can't get away with it anymore, we've found we can have almost as much fun as before by simply getting together and crying about it."

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