The Washington
Wednesday, Oct 6, 1999

MCI WorldCom Gets Rid of 3 Letters and a Space for $129B

Following a path pre-ordained by forces beyond man, MCI WorldCom confirmed early today that it had just paid the Supreme Court $129 Billion dollars worth of angel dust to pass a law making it legal for any company to drop the first 3 letters and a space off its name.

"We are very excited," said the former MCI WorldCom's current CEO, Joe WorldCom, "about getting those damn fucking first three fucking letters off our name and also getting that damn fucking space outta there. I mean, a space -- what's that about?"

The deal marks the most letters a company has ever dropped off its name, ever, and will create an 8-letter name which is much better positioned to possibly, one day, be as short as AT&T's 4-letter word name.

"Next year," said WorldCom, "when everything fails, the Supreme Court has promised they'll only charge us another $150 Billion dollars to drop 4 more letters off our name."

Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, Diana Ross, also confirmed that for an additional $500 Billion dollars, the Supreme Court would pass a law making ampersands count as 2 letters -- thus making AT&T's name really a 5-letter name and the all new 4-letter named WorldCom the only 4-letter word in town.

"I look forward to the day," WorldCom told whomsoever, "when we will have either tied or beaten AT&T at having the world's smallest name, while simultaneously being the world's biggest piece of shit."


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