Friday, October 24, 1997
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Black Monday, FOREVER

NY,NY - (Oct 24) - The US stock market continued to crash today on news that a 6-year-old in the crowd had just pointed out that the capitalist shitbags of the world AREN'T (much to everybody's chagrin and the chagrin of their portfolios) WEARING ANY FUCKING CLOTHES!!

The so-called "market" went into utter free fall at about noon today, dropping 2000 points before trading had to be stopped so everybody could go off and take some extra long snorts of crystal meth, or cook up an extra big batch of heroin.

When trading resumed, things returned to being intensely boring.

The stock market had apparently started crashing itself earlier in the day, in order to try to get the PR spotlight away from alleged baby murderers and baby murder trials, and in order to give those losers who do business shows on loser cable channels like CNN, CNBC, FOX, and PBS, something to fucking talk about instead of just droning on and on about how it's just sooooooooooo fucking cooooooooooooool to be making all that fucking mooooooooooooney in return for doing so absolutely fucking noooooooooooooooooothing.

Microsoft, Netscape, Sun, Intel, IBM, AT&T, Compaq, Apple Team on Hottest New Thing Ever

Microsoft Corporation of Redmond, Washington has announced they will team with Netscape Communications of Santa Clara or wherever California, and Sun Microsystems of Sunnyvale or Phoenix Arizona or Brookline Mass and Intel Corporation of wherever and IBM and AT&T and Compaq and Apple and Time-Warner, and Fox, and Viacom and TCI and Random House and RJR Nabisco and Wells Fargo Bank and British Telecomm and MCI and Worldcom and GM and GE and GTE and Mobil Oil and Sony and Bertellesmann or whoever and The Wall Street Journal and The New York Times and Billy Graham and the Washington Post and the Boston Globe and the Washington Times and the New Yorker and Wired and MIT and the Green Bay Packers and Michael Jordan and Sylvester Stallone and Tom Cruise and Steven Spielberg and Newsweek and Disney and McDonald's and Coca-Cola and HP and Ron Jeremy, and Johnny Wadd in the hopes of coming up with, you know, A FUCKING IDEA!! ANY FUCKING IDEA AT ALL!! FOR ANY FUCKING THING AT ALL!!

According to a spokesman for the group's steering committee, "The object is more or less for this powerhouse of 20th Century minds to create the long-awaited killer app, but, of course, the hope and expectation is more like, they'll just drink some Electronic Kool-Aid, Baby, and take the long-awaited killer nap.

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