Monday, November 3, 1997
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Kramer Preferred Fried Egg for Lead in Top Grossing Film

The writer-director of "Destination: Anonymous," Rebecca Kramer, says she wanted a fried egg to play the lead in her new number one box office grossing psycho-sexual musical, but instead, "the fucking studio" forced her to use established star, Garth Register Jr., in the role of an out-of-work drifter who's ready to just fade away, but somehow, still dreams the fundamental Darwinian dream that even amoebas have.

"That fundamental dream," said Kramer in an interview on board the CanaMex Express heading south, during the shooting of her next film "Phenobarbital and Vodka On The CanaMex Express," "Is, of course, the dream of interpersonal surgical bio-thermonuclear warfare against your neighbors and ex-wives. Which even amoebas have."

"This is a film," Kramer continued as the express went through a tunnel, "Which says, 'Fuck the Nuclear Family! -- Viva the fucking Nucleic Acid Family!' -- Or, "The Acid Family," for short.

"See," Kramer continued as we came out of the tunnel, "The Acid Family already realizes they are living in Tchotchka Nation, or in Widget Nation, for short, and they don't wanna see magazine-style TV shows about it anymore. They want magazine-style TV shows about how, when you look at a flushing toilet and see a spiral, and then you look at a fucking galaxy and see a spiral, they want to know 'which came first?' Or is there absolutely no difference between them in any dimension whatsoever? And, if no -- then what?"

There has, of course, been a lot of controversy surrounding the release of "Destination: Anonymous," which is apparently about 5 people who sit around at breakfast everyday, over toast and coffee, trying to figure out how to smash the stranglehold of mundane reality.

Says famed film critic What's-his-name, "It's such a sure-fire obvious runaway smash hit all-time top box-office grossing film, that there's always been a tacit agreement in the industry that no one would ever produce it -- because it's just too fucking easy. It's basically ripping the people off. I, mean, who would NOT go to see this film at least once??!"

But Kramer was quick to defend her work, denying vehemently that she's just in it for the cocksucking motherfucking money.

"I am not in this for the cocksucking motherfucking money," she said, "In fact," she continued, "In fact, all the cocksucking motherfucking shitbag corporate capitalist shitbag money we take in will go, not to me, but directly to my favorite charity: The Bill Gates, Larry Ellison, Scott McNealy, Ted Turner, Michael Eisner, Steven Spielberg RE-EDUCATION FUND!"

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