Fight Stupid Consumerism!! Buy my fucking book!! The Washington 
Wednesday, Nov 17, 1999

Unflush, Hand Job Devices Make Big Splash at "Fall" COMDEX
So-called "Hand Job" computers, running anything EXCEPT Microsoft's piece of shit Windows CE operating system, are clearly the big hit of this year's so-called "fall" COMDEX computer trade show, being held this week in Las Vegas, Nevada.

The so-called "fall" COMDEX computer trade show, according to observers, is attended mostly by the same people who fucking believe those damn fucking "earn $5000 a week sending out millions of fucking spam emails" spam emails, sent out by people like themselves, and so on, recursively.

Aside from all the many new exciting hand job devices at this year's so-called "fall" COMDEX computer trade show, software giant Microsoft Corporation of Redmond Washington announced a whole new line of Uninstall and Undo products based on its new Microsoft Universal Uninstall/Undo Device Manager.

The Universal Uninstall/Undo Device Manager was originally designed by Microsoft to fulfill part of its anti-trust settlement with the US Feral government, in which Microsoft agreed to create a software standard for getting all their damn fucking worthless piece of shit Microsoft "software" off everybody's fucking machines forever.

The Microsoft Universal Uninstall/Undo Device Manager, aside from working on Microsoft's piece of shit software, is capable of operating on any physical or cognitive system at any level of complexity or Being, from top quark anti-neutrino kinda thingies, to multi- mega- meta- cosmic kinda thingies, but, in reality, will probably mostly be used on just endlessly multiply stupid worthless fucking everyday human life bullshit kinda thingies, in products whose names and functions include, like, for example:

Microsoft Uncomprehend -- allows for subtle misinterpretations, mis-hearings, and mis-readings of words and phrases which in turn allow for the semantic and grammatic acceptability of statements like "members of the Salivation Army were drooling (all) over their new uniforms."

Microsoft Undead (also known as the Microsoft employee health plan) -- can revive any dead body to a state of ultra-suspended animation where the fingers move just enough to depress the keys on a Windows 98 ergonomic keyboard, but no more. Produces approximately the same effect on the so-called "living."

Microsoft Unflush -- returns any "commode" exactly to the pristine state it was in just before its last flush. And the Unflush Office Pro upgrade provides upto 5 levels of lossless undo, in the, uh, flush domain.

Microsoft Unantidisestablishmentarianism -- self explanatory.

Microsoft Unironic -- goes through all the fucking stupid things of this world and applies a little sticker saying, "Don't laugh, lady, these people are being 100% totally unironic." Also undoes all the slack these people were cut by people who thought they actually were just being all, you know, ironic an' all.

Microsoft Unrobot (for in-house use only) -- applies stickers to well-meaning but brain-washed, zombified Microsoft employees which say: "I am not a fucking robot for Bill" - so they have a leg up on the employees of all the other companies who don't wear "I am not a fucking robot for X" stickers; where X is the name of the company CEO, founder, chairman, or whatever.

Microsoft Unpiece-of-shit -- Designed specifically for use on Microsoft products. Makes them stop being utter fucking worthless Microsoft pieces of shit for 24 hours so users can see what the world might have been had Bill Gates not been such an utter

Some picture of something that somehow seems to go with the text 
below, though sometimes the connection is so counter-cosmic that only Barry 
Diller gets it
AOL blah blah blah more than ever.

Microsoft still blah blah blah....

Amazon blah blah blah again

ENTERTAINMENT says blah blah blah is forever

New E-Commerce server blows it out its blah blah blah

Bank of Commerce Hospital website crashes -- millions die!!!

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