Wednesday, December 9, 1998
"Lame Fuck" Congress Still Wants Pres To Be A Peach

Wash, DC - (Dec 9) - Even though Halloween is long since over, the Congress is still arguing about what the President should go trick-or-treating as.

Many say the President should be a peach, but others say that he simply won't be a peach, so he should be censored, instead.

One of the reasons they are having so much trouble deciding, though, is, see, this is apparently a so-called "lame fuck" Congress.

A "lame fuck" Congress is when there's just been an election and now the next election's 2 years away and the old departing congressmen still have 2 months left to hang around and still pretend to be congressman, so nobody really gives a shit what they do, so they just do what comes natural and run around acting like a buncha lame fucks.

Anyway, last Halloween, the President had tried to compromise with the Congress' desire for him to be a peach, and said he'd be willing to go trick-or-treating as, like, a nectarine or a mango, but Congressmen DeLay, of the former pop group Congressman DeLay and the Gratifications, said if the President wouldn't be a peach, then that would be total grounds for totally re-writing the constitution from scratch based on the Tibetan Book of the Dead.

However, Congressman Dingleballs respectfully said that maybe they should censor the President if he wasn't gonna' be a peach.

"If he isn't gonna be a fucking peach," said Congressman Dingleballs, "then we should attach a little artificial intelligence device surgically to his nostril so whenever he says like, f**k, or sh*t, or p*ss, or c*cks*ck*r or c*m sh*t or a compound word containing, like f**k, or sh*t, or p*ss, words like m*th*rf**k*r or d*ckh**d, the artificial intelligence device will detect it predictively after only the first sound, like caller ID after only 1 ring, and immediately emit a loud censoring bleep, completely obliterating the President's voice, until the offending word is over, and then some."

"Of course", argued Congressman Geekass, "what if the President tried to use obscene sign language? Then what?"

So Congress was at an impasse.

What to do.

Well, the President decided to throw a big party where people could get naked and demo their new crap, so he called it the nude demo crap party, but, out of spite, Tom DeLay got his band, the Gratifications together, and they had a nude party at the Republic Inn, across the street from the President's Nude Demo Crap Party.

But, fortunately, the story had a happy ending when the two parties got together and decided to have one big nude party sandwich hunt.

Case Clothed.

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