HELP GET RID OF THESE
PATHETIC LOSERS BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!
Check one of the 9 boxes to indicate what you'd like to see
done about the presidency in the wake of the American electorate's unanimous
rejection of the egregious Bush and Gore. Then click the submit button
at the bottom of the form to have your vote added to the total.
PLEASE VOTE ONLY ONCE
Have other alternatives? Send them
to firstname.lastname@example.org for
possible inclusion on this ballot.
With a viable alternative backed by real numbers, maybe
we can get rid of those two ridiculous creepolas (Bush/Gore) FOREVER!
Otherwise.... Shit. Both those guys are gonna be around for 8 more years
if we don't get rid of them NOW. Seriously. This is our last and only
chance. Think about it. You turn on the news at supper time. There's
President Bush. Ugggggh. Vomit. Puke. Or there's President Gore. Yuuuck.
Vomit. Puke. -- So please. If nothing else -- vote to save our poor
ANYBODY but the corporate cracker robot Bush/Gore.
Far from being inconclusive, the results of the year 2000
US presidential election project the most powerful
mandate ever from the American people. Namely:
"1,2,3,4... We don't want no steenking Bush and Gore."
OK. So, like, given that, what now?
1. Hold new elections with
candidates that people can actually stomach.
McCain, Bradley, Nader are ready to go. 2
weeks of 2 hours per night unmoderated discussions live between
all the candidates on Network TV -- time donated FREE by the Networks.
Then there's a vote. Then the winner picks
one of the other 2 as VP, and the 3rd takes over
Time-Warner/AOL and shuts down Bertelsmann/AT&T.
2. Clinton stays on as President for 2 more years, and
new presidential elections are held in 2002. But the
campaigns are conducted as described in #1 above, and no one
named Bush or Gore can be in them -- or in any election ever again.
3. Fraudulent ballots, rigged counts, crass manipulative
campaigns, artificial candidates enslaved to corporate
profits -- let's just scrap the whole thing. Clinton's
been reasonably cool -- so why
change quarterbacks when you're ahead and there's NOBODY
in the wings. So let Clinton stay on till he
starts losing it. Then we can vote up or down for
Chelsea to take over, or to simply go back to the old
4. Gore's candidacy declared illegitimate and Gore
exiled. All Gore votes given to Nader since basically
ALL Gore votes were votes AGAINST Bush -- while all
Nader votes were votes FOR Nader (in the face of strong
pressure to vote for Gore). So if Gore weren't in the
race, ALL his anti-Bush votes would have gone to Nader.
Therefore, Nader becomes president with 52% of the popular vote.
(The options below attempt to live up to the letter of
the vote count by modifying the egregious Bush/Gore slag heap
into some simulation of something almost human, so it might
5. Gore and Bush made co-president and chained together
for next 4 years. The chain can't be
broken or opened so they can NEVER be more than a few feet
apart no matter what they do. Every 6 months an
election is held to decide if the chain should be
lengthened or shortened, based on their performance in
office. If they're really slimy, the chain can be as short
as 4 inches long. If they're good, let 'em have 6 feet, so
they can sleep in different rooms.
6. Gore-Bush surgically connected, organ by organ, for
life, and allowed to serve as president for next 4
years. No additional restrictions. Let nature sort it
out. After their term's over.... good luck.
7. Bush right hemi-sphere and Gore left hemi-sphere
removed and reconnected by artificial corpus
callosum, then placed in head of Sara Michelle
Gellar and made president for the next 4 years or until
president is crossed with Sarah Jessica Parker to become
Sara Jessica-Michelle Parker-Gellar and ultimately marry Uri
Geller and Larry Gelbart and Bob Geldof to become Sara Jessica-Michelle Parker-Gellar-Geller-Gelbart- Geldof.
And so on.
8. Gwyneth Paltrow and Ben Affleck appointed president
and vice president by Clarence Thomas. All politics and
policy becomes a Miramax production, and the cabinet is
composed entirely of the Weinstein brothers.
9. None of the above. Just drop 'em both in the Mississippi encased
in cement. Whoever floats, wins.