Check one of the 9 boxes to indicate what you'd like to see done about the presidency in the wake of the American electorate's unanimous rejection of the egregious Bush and Gore. Then click the submit button at the bottom of the form to have your vote added to the total.


Have other alternatives? Send them to for possible inclusion on this ballot. With a viable alternative backed by real numbers, maybe we can get rid of those two ridiculous creepolas (Bush/Gore) FOREVER! Otherwise.... Shit. Both those guys are gonna be around for 8 more years if we don't get rid of them NOW. Seriously. This is our last and only chance. Think about it. You turn on the news at supper time. There's President Bush. Ugggggh. Vomit. Puke. Or there's President Gore. Yuuuck. Vomit. Puke. -- So please. If nothing else -- vote to save our poor digestive systems!



YES! ANYBODY but the corporate cracker robot Bush/Gore.

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What will the post-Bush/Gore dystopia look like? Read about it here.



Far from being inconclusive, the results of the year 2000 US presidential election project the most powerful mandate ever from the American people. Namely: "1,2,3,4... We don't want no steenking Bush and Gore."
OK. So, like, given that, what now?

1. Hold new elections with candidates that people can actually stomach. McCain, Bradley, Nader are ready to go. 2 weeks of 2 hours per night unmoderated discussions live between all the candidates on Network TV -- time donated FREE by the Networks. Then there's a vote. Then the winner picks one of the other 2 as VP, and the 3rd takes over Time-Warner/AOL and shuts down Bertelsmann/AT&T.
2. Clinton stays on as President for 2 more years, and new presidential elections are held in 2002. But the campaigns are conducted as described in #1 above, and no one named Bush or Gore can be in them -- or in any election ever again.
3. Fraudulent ballots, rigged counts, crass manipulative campaigns, artificial candidates enslaved to corporate profits -- let's just scrap the whole thing. Clinton's been reasonably cool -- so why change quarterbacks when you're ahead and there's NOBODY in the wings. So let Clinton stay on till he starts losing it. Then we can vote up or down for Chelsea to take over, or to simply go back to the old 4-year circu$.
4. Gore's candidacy declared illegitimate and Gore exiled. All Gore votes given to Nader since basically ALL Gore votes were votes AGAINST Bush -- while all Nader votes were votes FOR Nader (in the face of strong pressure to vote for Gore). So if Gore weren't in the race, ALL his anti-Bush votes would have gone to Nader. Therefore, Nader becomes president with 52% of the popular vote.
(The options below attempt to live up to the letter of the vote count by modifying the egregious Bush/Gore slag heap into some simulation of something almost human, so it might actually "serve.")
5. Gore and Bush made co-president and chained together for next 4 years. The chain can't be broken or opened so they can NEVER be more than a few feet apart no matter what they do. Every 6 months an election is held to decide if the chain should be lengthened or shortened, based on their performance in office. If they're really slimy, the chain can be as short as 4 inches long. If they're good, let 'em have 6 feet, so they can sleep in different rooms.
6. Gore-Bush surgically connected, organ by organ, for life, and allowed to serve as president for next 4 years. No additional restrictions. Let nature sort it out. After their term's over.... good luck.
7. Bush right hemi-sphere and Gore left hemi-sphere removed and reconnected by artificial corpus callosum, then placed in head of Sara Michelle Gellar and made president for the next 4 years or until president is crossed with Sarah Jessica Parker to become Sara Jessica-Michelle Parker-Gellar and ultimately marry Uri Geller and Larry Gelbart and Bob Geldof to become Sara Jessica-Michelle Parker-Gellar-Geller-Gelbart- Geldof. And so on.
8. Gwyneth Paltrow and Ben Affleck appointed president and vice president by Clarence Thomas. All politics and policy becomes a Miramax production, and the cabinet is composed entirely of the Weinstein brothers.
9. None of the above. Just drop 'em both in the Mississippi encased in cement. Whoever floats, wins.

copyright © 2000 DJ Salinger