See Last Week's Error Message for
more inconclusive information
Introduction by Anna Nicole
The people listed on this page have recently scanned
your hard drive and email and, as a result of their
analysis, have determined that your attempts to access
the requested content/document(s) must be denied at the
In the following pages we have compiled the reasons
given by each person, over the course of a week, as to
why you should not have access to this (these) file(s).
-- Anna Nicole Smith
"One day, all the shills in the world will be gathered
up and placed together in the large empty cargo bay of a
-- Alexis de Tocqueville
"When I try to visualize the '96 presidential debates,
the only image that comes to mind is one of a
half-filled balloon trying to argue with a plate of
-- Anna Nicole Smith
"Hey, by the time you're 80, the credit limit on your
Mastercard should be like 40 or 50K -- so the last year
of your life, you can basically live for free."
-- John Stuart Mill
"Sex is nothing. Culture is nothing. History is
nothing. So why fucking bother?"
-- Cokie Roberts
"Politics is bullshit. Economics is bullshit. Give me
free nude celebrity bodyparts any day."
-- Sam Donaldson (coming down from speed)
What is the Committee Saying About You?
Moderator: Anna Nicole Smith
Smith: is currently
president of Harvard and Princeton Universities, and
commutes twice weekly to Stanford where she teachers a
course entitled, "Money Walks, Money Talks." Her ideas
have been at the root of many new scientific disciplines
and have led to the establishment of many new research
institutes and have been embodied in much recent
Malone: is best known as the
subject of the Samuel Beckett novel, Malone Dies,
but he is also president of TeleCommunications Inc and
owns enough cable systems to single-handedly decide
which stations will exist and which won't, and thus
essentially controls about 50% of what's inside your
fucking head. Is it any wonder Beckett wants to get rid
of this guy?
Alexis de Tocqueville lives in Arizona and, as
you've no doubt noticed, has an outstanding publicist.
He is best know for founding the nation's foremost
retirement home for hard-core pot smokers, "De
William Bennett is one righteous dude. He is as
pure as the driven snow, and is profoundly qualified to
judge all human activity as it relates to
righteousness. I mean, this guy's hotshot lawyer
brother tells him lots of dope about his enemies, but
Bill will rarely ever let much of it accidentally slip
out in public in front of a crowd of reporters. And if
you're thinkin', yeah but what about Gluttony -- isn't
that like a vice? Well, so what? After a hard day of
defending virtue, a man's entitled to, you know, chow
down a bit.
Bono: has been and done just about everything
there is to be and do, from Pop star to mayor to
Congressman -- but most important of all, he took a
wide-eyed 16 year old girl and turned her into the
nation's most enduring cultural icon. Currently he is
working on doing the same for Bob Dole -- though it's
unclear if he'll continue once he learns that Bob Dole
is neither 16 years old, nor a girl.
Mussolini Reagan: is a California-based garage
band specializing in a mix of late 40's underground
doo-wop and early 80's power pop. Their long distance
service provider is AT&T and their Gas & Electric
provider is PG&E. Additional information about them can
be obtained under the freedom of information act.