RE-BRANDING'S ALL YA' NEEDAll you need is re-branding (all together now) / All you need is re-branding (everybody) / All you need is re-branding, re-branding / re-branding's all you need.
"The human race is just far too cool to be fucking OVER yet," said Brad Rayberry, a spokesman for the Humanity Does Not Suck Ass Project, which conducted the study.
"For one thing," he said, "the human race knows the value of a hot steaming brand, and the members of the human race love their favorite brands more than life itself. And most of all they love their own brand, themselves, which they have worked hard to develop and spread by any slimy means necessary. And they are not willing to see any of those brands be just so fucking OVER yet. NO!
"And the human race is sophisticated when it comes to branding and they know that, in a world where science is only slightly less bogus than religion, the only truth to be found anywhere is usually found only in the 3rd or 4th re-branding of a person/product.
"Because the first attempt at branding is usually all hope and false aspiration. And the second branding (the first re-branding) is usually overly humble in reaction to the failure of the first branding.
"But usually, around the 3rd or 4th re-branding, the brand has finally become both confident and detached enough to truly represent the product/person who needs so desperately at this moment to be SAVED by absolutely ANYTHING, anything at all, even something as utterly creepy as a burning hot iron with somebody else's name, in the ass of who they are."