GRAND THEFT ARTOIn their moment of deepest despair, the people of the world turn to the most bogus man whoever lived, and beg his corpse to teach them how to be just like him.
Co-Chief Justices, Takeru "Tsunami" Kobayashi and Joey "Jaws" Chestnut announced the appointment of Warhol today, followed by a lightning round hot dog eating contest between the two of them.
"We are appointing Warhol President," said Kobayashi, wiping the mustard off his chin after the contest, "because of popular demand -- or at least we're getting lots of emails, IMs and tweets from former squeaky clean Disney teen idols who wanna break from the past by doing something edgy with an old master edgemaster and who's older and edgier and masterer than old edgy Andy Warhol." Warhol is being appointed president apparently not only to give former squeaky clean teen idols a shot at being like all edgy an' shit by being appointed to his cabinet, but because the 6.5 billion people of the world know they are about to fall of the cliff at the end of the world and they all want their fucking 15 minutes of fucking fame and they all want it fucking NOW!
"It was Warhol who promised us that we'd all be famous before we died," said one enraged citizen who asked to please not remain anonymous, "and so now that we're all gonna die in the end of the world, Warhol better fucking deliver."
Once president, Warhol's continued failure to "deliver", the citizen asserted, "just might lead to his reassessment as a so-called artist -- and in these difficult times, the reassessment team just might not continue ranking him much above the guys who painted my garage, or Hitler."